Not strictly a gene pool darwinism
but mind bogglingly stupid all the same.

I'm accident prone. There are a few classic darwinisms I have pulled off over the years, but this one needs to be shared with you fine people.

A few years back, 'twas the Sunday night at Reading festival, back at the B campsite after Green Day had finished playing (paled into insignificance notorious, rofl inducing 50cent incident).

As is the norm for the final night, it was a boozy affair. Everywhere you looked revellers were burning pretty well anything combustible; tents, sleeping bags, gazebos, gas canisters etc.

I noticed a crowd of (say, 300?) people gathered round a particularly large fire, exploding gas canisters in quick succession. Lots of 'ooos' and 'aaaahs'.

In my infinite wisdom, which was backed up with a hefty dose of dutch courage and a not inconsiderable blur of recreational pharmaceuticals, I decided that the thing to do would be to participate. With my 10litre gas canister. Which was full. And still safely installed in a large metal stove.

I waited for the last canister put on to explode (after all safety is key) before approaching the fire and lobbing the piece into the fire pit.

The bang and fireball was spectacular, and I was astonished to witness the large black object flying towards my face, hitting me in the right eye with such force it knocked me to the floor with my ears ringing.

Sitting on my arse in the dark with my mates gathered round, I complained whilst holding the eye that I had been hit and could see nothing but a milky glow. 'Bollocks have you!' they proclaimed, until I showed them the offending oculus which by now had blood pissing from the edges and a strange translucent gloop oozing from the iris.

The pain was EXCRUTIATING.

Rushed to the nearest fire engine, a quick explanation saw me bundled in and hurried to the medical tent, where I got to skip the queue of drunk/high/passed out people.

After a multitude of saline eye baths and many concerned examinations from the doctors, I was ordered to hospital at once. Not wanting to miss the rest of the night's merriment, mcuh to the doctor's disgust I politely declined and arranged for an early collection in the morning and an eye patch.

So off I went, covered in blood, blind in one eye and as pissed as a fart to rejoin my comrades, wearing an eye patch and going arrrrgh! like a pirate to passing folk.

Having had a great time, the morning after sobriety brought home the reality that in all probability I had blinded myself in an intoxicated moment of sheer stupidity.

Thankfully, several clinic visits later to have the eye repaired and as much of the fragmented steel removed, my sight returned (although I need glasses now). What still gets me now is the karma (and good fortune) that of all the hundreds of people stood round that night, the one who got injured was the one who threw the gas stove on.

The moral is this kids - don't chuck gas canisters on bonfires. Or lynx cans. Or fireworks. Not unless you have your safety goggles.

*I heard that the year after some poor lad blew his knackers off jumping over a fire laced with canisters at Reading, so I suppose in a way he has removed himself from the gene pool......
(Sir General ***WoW***, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 18:26, 2 replies)

*click*
Like it, like it muchly!!!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 19:27, closed)

Actually
Blowing your knackers off in a stupid way does qualify you for a Darwin award.

You don't have to die to win one, just render yourself incapable of reproducing, and a few previous awards have been won on this basis
(Duckeee Is nothing special, in fact, she's a bit of a bore, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 23:47, closed)