optimism rather than stuppidity?
My first car was a 1275cc Mini Metro in metallic puke green- haad been my mums, then my sisters, and in the fullness of time, came to be mine when i passed my driving test.

After a year of mucking about with it, 'tuning it' (badly), driving as many miles as I could and generally abusing it, it started making funny noises from the engine department. My old man was slightly concerned, and had someone who was in the motor repair trade to pass his considered opinion over the sad wretch of a car.

"Big end's gone mate. Not worth fixing, not worth even getting a recon engine. Just eke out its last few pitiful miles and let it give up the ghost gracefully.".

hah, bolox to that. I took it back down to London where i was staying as a student and proceeded to drive it around, screeching in agony and drawing disapproving raised eyebrows from passers by. But it got no worse and I learned to ignore it.

Then I had to come back up to the Midlands, up the newly constructed M40 motorway and set off, full of unconcerned empty-headedness.

About 50 miles in, the rumble and screech turned into the sound of a handful of bolts being shaken in an empty tin can. This noise got progressively worse over the next few miles and then got really, REALLY loud, even as I was overtaking someone in the inside lane at 70.

*BANG* all the warning lights have come on the dash, I'm slowing down rapidly, there's a noticeable absence of sound from the engine and things are pelting up behind me at 70 and possibly going to smack me up the arse. I'm going to be a statistic by the morning news.


In a panic, I head for the hard shoulder, as I don't fancy being stationary next to the armco. I grab a handful of steering wheel and lurch off at an acute angle towards the presumed safety of the grass verge. Luck is on my side, I swoop across all three lanes with no motive power and only dying inertia to assist me, and proceed to apply the brakes (no servo assist without the engine going of course) to slow to a stop when

**BLAAAAARREEEE!!!!!!!!* a juggernaut had just come within a few feet of twatting my right rear bumper, spinning me around and possibly driving OVER my car with me in it.

I like to think I'm a somewhat calm and (possibly repressed) human being but at that moment when the realisation dawned on me, at the closeness of my mortality et cetera, I felt the uncontrollable urge to howl in fear until my lungs were empty. So I did."HAAAHHHHRRR!"

Stumbled to a motorway emergency phone, a recovery van came to pick me up and deposited the worthless husk of my Metro back at my folks place.

I wasn't a member of the AA so to end the evening off I was presented with a recovery bill for £130 (in 1990's money it's probably twice that now).

*Animal howl times two*
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 13 Feb 2009, 20:21, 4 replies)

it's always going to be bad when you make that noise
i've only ever done it a couple of times
but they stay with you :)
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 21:11, closed)

alright, Mic
'tasche still in existence? :-)
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 13 Feb 2009, 23:34, closed)

:-)
I've killed a Mini (not Metro) in a similar situation. With me it wasn't so much the noise that gave the game away, it was the smoke filling the car.
( SteamedCleaner, Fri 13 Feb 2009, 22:19, closed)

I'll bet.....
You didn't put that tuning episode on your CV!(considering your history of exotic/luxury/performance car designeryness).

Have fun!

CP
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 9:49, closed)