'Self-administered anecdote transfusion', aka cheeky pea
Enjoying my birthday by queueing for the toilet at a music festival in the US of America, I was stang off of a bee, right on the tip of my index finger. No humble bumblebee was he, this was a big ol’ American Apoidea Bastardus, like the one who takes over as mayor in ‘Family Guy’. It hurt a lot, like someone pressing a lit cigarette to my fingertip. ‘Look at this!’ I exclaimed to my friend, and we both marvelled at the pulsating venom sac, clearly visible as it pumped poison into my swelling digit like a set of demonically possessed Polly Pocket bagpipes. Oh, did I mention that, being so cool, I was under the influence of hallucinogenic substance LSD at the time? Yeah, cheers counterculture, that was a big help.
Hearing us slowly coming to terms with this momentous event, the guy in front of us in the queue turned around and pulled out a big fucking knife. ‘Looks like we’d better operate,’ he said, waving the big fucking knife under my petrified nose. ‘Maybe,’ he grinned, ‘WE BETTER AMPUTATE!’ It didn’t help he was wearing mirror shades, so all I could see were reflections of my own terrified face and the glare of his ludicrous knifeblade. Honestly, it was like something Rambo would do the topiary with. Then, while I was paralysed by fear, the guy took hold of my hand and sliced the sting right out of my finger with his big fucking Rambo’s landscaping knife.
I have to say he did a great job – the pain stopped almost immediately and there was very little bleeding. My mystery field surgeon went for a piss straight after that, so I didn’t get the chance to thank him properly, but the experience scared me straight, and I took a vow that day to never again get stung by a bee, a promise I have kept – even through the hard times – to this very day (although I have been stung by wasps two or three times, but everyone gets stung by wasps so that’s ok).
(electricteeth, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 14:47, 7 replies)

Good story
Can you split into two or three paragraphs, it will get more reads.

Only been stung by a bee once and it fucking killed comapared to a wasp sting.

I was only 5 and thought I could stroke one because it was furry :\ Still love the little fuckers though. the British ones are not aggresive at all and do a very important job.

Pain on LSD, that's a weird feeling right? I had a cherry from a hash spliff fall on my chest once, the only way I could tell was by picking up the whiff of my burning flesh and a strange tingling sensation in my head that wasn't being translated as pain...weird.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 15:50, closed)

Thanks for the tip
I'm somewhat e-nept. And yes, what deity was cruel enough to make nature's cutest insects sting-y? I think I might retrain as a bee whisperer, so I could let them know my petting is no threat to their wellbeing. EDIT: Oh and pain on LSD was very weird, it was like teaching an alien to piss.Aalthough afterwards I felt invincible.
(electricteeth, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 16:42, closed)

Hey
No worries :)

You could use your bee-whisperer skills to find out why they're dying out. We are in a world of culinary shit of these cute buggers go anywhere.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7739798.stm
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 16:52, closed)

It's a conspiracy!
Luckily Julian Assange, boy detective, is on the case.

I wish I was joking - CCD has been linked to overuse of bee-hating pesticide clothianidin, with EPA protection. Kind of overshadowed by the diplomatic backstabbing, but a Wikileak revelation which deserves more attention. Especially if you're a bee.
(electricteeth, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 17:12, closed)

It
had to be something we were doing, as one with nature as we are. Simple solution, get the supermarkets to pay more for goods then certain areas of crops can fail without consequence...This Assange fellow is going up in my estimations everytime I hear about him.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 10:18, closed)

I sat on a bee once when I was 5
It was terrible, right on the bum! About a 2.0 on this

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schmidt_Sting_Pain_Index

Also got stung by a hornet when I was about 8 or 9, the whole area swelled up like a juicy strawberry.
(superkitty is neither super nor a kitty, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 16:15, closed)

Hornets are the worst
They're the heralds of Cthulhu.
(electricteeth, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 17:13, closed)