PFL (Txt spk for ‘Pointless-Fucking-LOLs’)…

The first bit below is a pearost with added new bits. Also, the point I’m trying to make has Shirley bindun this week?

There’s a chap I work with called Martin, who is the most chronically, death defyingly dull human being I have ever met. Words cannot express how much this moaning, miserable mong-a-tron morbidly mopes his way through every working day with the fixed, pained expression of a man who has just been forced at gunpoint to felch the sloppy schlong syrup from the clap-ridden chutney cupboard of a syphilitic three-legged goat.

Sporting the amiable charm and good looks of a sweaty, seventies serial sex-offender, Martin winces and grumbles as he hobbles along, and with every step he resembles a man who is permanently having the larger of his haemorrhoids violently rubbed with sandpaper before having his hog’s eye prodded with a red hot knitting needle dipped in sulphuric acid.

When this pitiful spaff-splat actually ‘speaks’, it is a mundane, monotone excruciating experience that usually ends with people weeping tears of despair…swiftly followed by a mad surge for the exits after an ‘impromptu’ fire drill.

You get the idea.

Yet somewhere, in every communication that this putrid lump of pure despondency sends through the medium of email (or even worse, text) he will include the acronym ‘LOL’!

The thing is…It doesn’t even follow a joke, or even an attempt at humour!

For example, Here’s a direct quote of his, copied from my inbox:

“It is the same Sharon, she is changing roles, and she will be getting a laptop as she will be field based LOL“

What the floppy-eared fuck? I ask you. I’ve never seen the guy so much as crack a smile, let alone an actual laugh…out-loud or otherwise.

Why do some people do this? Why do they feel the need to inform us that they’re laughing when they’re not?...and sometimes when it’s not even relevant in the first place?

What’s next?...

“I’m afraid it’s herpes. LOL”

“I was brutally arse-raped last night. LOL”

“Goodbye, cruel world. LOL”

LOLs are not full stops, required at the end of every message. Pointless, unwarranted LOL’s are like a virus…infecting the planet with the sole purpose of dumbing it down, closely followed by the rapidly-devaluing ‘Genuine LOL’ that people are now writing.

If every LOL was genuine, we wouldn’t be able to hear ourselves think over the noise...everybody’s work environment would be like a non-stop comedy extravaganza, and you wouldn’t be able to walk down the street without tripping over hordes of cretins ‘ROFL’ing all about the place.

Some people need to get a fucking grip. Grrrr

~~~~~~~~~~~~Wavy lines to present times…~~~~~~~~~~~

The rant above was initially written in February 2009…but have things improved since then? Have they my severely rotting ringpiece. If anything it's even worse. Because people now actually SAY THE FUCKING WORD INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY LAUGHING!

I overheard a conversation recently in a pub where one chap ‘cracked’ a joke. Hmmm. In my opinion, the joke was about as limp and unfunny as Jimmy Saville’s cock in the 70's when approached by a female above the age of consent. But how did his mate respond to this pathetic insult to humour?

Honest to fucking Mergatroid. His expression barely flinched from its standard stony, blank, indifferent expression to turn into what I could best describe as a ‘smirk’. However, he then took the effort to glance up from his phone, performed a lame attempt at the ‘finger pistol shooting’ thing towards his buddy, and said with barely an ounce of emotion in his voice:

“Yeah – that is well lol”

I have never wanted to be holding a loaded gun so much in my life.

Although I fear that this post may start a veritable tsunami of people replying saying 'lol', I still stand by my point...

I weep for the future.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 9 Oct 2012, 16:18, 10 replies)

A friend of mines ex thought that LOL stood for lots of love.
It therefore appeared in every single text that she sent to him. He found it too funny to correct her, the funniest by far read along the lines of 'Will be late, stuck in traffic, nasty car accident apparently. LOL'

The next day it was followed up with 'Just heard that two teenagers died in that accident yesterday. LOL'
( Muns, Tue 9 Oct 2012, 16:32, closed)

LOL
That is all.
LOL
( The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Tue 9 Oct 2012, 21:04, closed)

You know those horrible home accessory things stating things like 'HOME', 'FAMILY', 'LOVE'
Which seemed to be aimed at chavs or those with an onset of Alzheimer's, I saw one with 'LOL'!!! Apparently the acronym fucktards just couldn't get enough of writing those three letters and have now changed LOL to mean both. My how I laugh (mostly maniacally) at those fools who mark the loss of recently deceased 'nan's' death with a photo inside a LOL frame.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 11:44, closed)

I've not used that one in conversation
but I do regularly ask the missus when we're finishing dinner out or finishing shopping in a store if she's ready to GTFO. It's just obscure enough to go unnoticed as a rule when spoken.

Oh, and after seeing the recent Muppet movie I've taken to looking menacingly at my daughter and saying "Maniacal laugh... maniacal laugh..."
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 9 Oct 2012, 16:58, closed)

I like this
Do you pronounce the individual letters?
G-T-F-O

Or do you try and say it as a word?
Getfo
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 12:45, closed)

I pronounce the letters.
I figure anyone who knows that acronym is more likely to be amused than offended at overhearing it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 13:19, closed)

Genuine lol here!!!!!!!!!!!!
No really, I'm lolling out loud like I've never lolled out loud before. Roflcopters!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 9 Oct 2012, 18:38, closed)

tl;dr

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 10 Oct 2012, 4:02, closed)

I didn't even read this but, for the record, you are a cunt.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 6:09, closed)

^^GENUINE LOL!^^

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 8:19, closed)