the micromine wizard
ive told my fair share of bullshit to get ahead in the work arena. My second job as geologist i went for i found out the name of the mining software package the company was using, "micromine". I went through the manual and listed every technique in there saying I had experience with it. It was a very good position and i didnt think i stood much of a chance, but I got offered the job and they flew me up to the mine. on the first day of work i shit myself as everyone shook my hand as i was introduced as "the micromine wizard", and told me how desperate they were for my micromine skills. thing is, i'd never actually used the software at all or seen live on the screen.
luckily, they eased me in with induction programs so it took a couple of weeks before the dissappointing realisation that i was a complete novice sunk in to the senior staff, and they chose whether out of cost or of shame to keep me on and allow me to become just another run of the mill rock licker. end of the motherfucking story. (just practising my samuel l jackson)
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 22:05, 1 reply)

Why not
just read the manual and find out how to use the software? That's what I did when someone asked me "do you know anything about MS Sharepoint?".

"Yeah, a bit. I'm on my way home now, ask me again tomorrow" was the response, and now I do know something about it.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 9:30, closed)