Dissapointed.
I had all the settings for a suicide inducing family holidays from hell for several years. Coming from a 'broken home' (aaahhh..) I had two sets of parents who both decided to try their hands at holidaying in touring caravans.
Plenty of parents-shagging disgustedness there then? Not a bit.
I never heard either set of parents shagging, I never got caught having a wank (only happened a few times admittedly), I was never poisoned / bitten / stung, or had my life seriously endangered.

Perhaps it's some latent regret of child-parent shame absence that convinced me to take my mother to barbados (I and Mrs [then Mrs-to-be] Greencloud were in our early twenties and living together by this point). My mother had gone through a hard time. Step-dad had died and she had been forced to sell the house etc etc. We booked a week in Barbados on the cheap anyway. Getting on very well with mother at that time, it was decided that we'd all share a room (so we wouldn't have to pay for single-person supplement as well as her flights).

It was around that time that I realised my mother was turning into an alcoholic. She proceeded to get completely hammered every day and be loud & obnoxious to various members of staff and the public at every opportunity. We managed to palm her off onto a couple from Sunderland one night (not even for a shag - just for a break!) only to have her bring about 15 piss-heads back into our room to see how 'lovely they look asleep together'.

I'm sure the words "Never Again" were exchanged several times on our return. So it is with great dismay that it actually happened again. We booked up to go to St Lucia a couple of years later for a well deserved winter break. We must have booked about a year in advance, as i remember it was at a christmas party that my wife realised that we'd booked to be away over mums 50th. She felt terrible that we'd miss this 'milestone' and invited my mother along AGAIN. This time she was utterly shitfaced (I don't mean happy party drunk - i mean grumpy bitch alcoholic drunk) for the whole holiday, as well as being downright abusive and racist toward all the staff, bearing in mind that we're milkbottle white in the middle of the carribean. She ruined the holiday we'd paid a fortune and waited over a year for.


Woohoo. I have had a torturous holiday with family!!! I just had to wait until I'd left home and was about 26 and paid for it all.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 3 Aug 2007, 13:30, Reply)