School assembly
Ahh farting in school assembly - them were the days. It had the perfect combination:

1) 500 kids sitting on a fucking hard wooden floor = numb bum and a the wooden floor making natural amplifier.

2) Timing; as assembly was always around 10am, just in time for people's breakfasts to have digested and the farting process beginning to take effect.

Now as most of you know, farting at school has a hierachy. If you are a popular kid/bully you can proudly fart and your friends will laugh. If the unpopular kid farts then they will be ridiculed and singled out with everyone screaming and baking away, making makeshift crosses with their fingers.

Back to the Assembly scenario. Now at middle school we had a psychotic railway enthusiast deputy headmaster who would always do the Thursday assembly. These were always a gruelling affair with his tales of morality and stern "no chewing gum, thou must wear your
blazer at all times etc" even the teachers grumbled and moaned.

Farting in his assembly was the ultimate sin = he would click his fingers and point out the culprit for maximum humiliation. He did however occasionally make a "miss-smelling" and would point out a totally innocent bystander. He did this once to his downfall, after the person he blamed for a particullary noisy rip-snorter started to cry. He was booed by some of the more daring pupils and rather than apologise he stormed out, leaving a rather flustered teacher to take over.

The true culprit was never caught - and no it wasn't me! I developed a way of "levitating" off the floor so that if I needed to let one go I'd do it relitavely quietly - a skill I have taken into adulthood!
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sun 15 Jul 2007, 10:38, Reply)