* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
« Go Back
school assemblyAh, those good old days of the late seventies when school assemblies meant sitting crosslegged on parquet floors and singing religious songs. Any word of dissent or humour resulted in the whipcrack voice of the pious hadmistress and being forced to stand up in front of the whole school to explain why you had a sense of humour/personality/life.
And so it was that I was singled out for some minor infringementof the rules (moving, perhaps). I was told to stand and tell the whole school what was so important that I had to move. The truth was that I had a fart in my bowels that threatened to launch me to Uranus...and it was battering at the clenched doors of my anus.
"Well Frankspencer? Can you tell us why you had the impertinence to move during my pious Bible readingl Yes? We're waiting...."
In the humming silence of that hall, the fart began to emerge. First as a kind of whistle between taut buttocks. Then, as it reached critical mass, it set my cheeks applauding as it flapped and bubbled into the air. It went on and on - turning into a prolonged trombone note that faded into an almost silent wheeze.
The following silence settled like a heavy snowfall. My face burned with abject humiliation.
"Sit down, Frankspencer."
(, Mon 16 Jul 2007, 9:35, Reply)
« Go Back