Gollum
Last summer, a chap at work came in after the weekend, looking strange. His eyebrows and much of his hair had become very short, his face pinkish and scabbed. This gave him the appearance of a chubby Gollum of Lord of the Rings fame. He'd had a minor accident when setting a bonfire, but it was the manner in which he did it which was so amusing.

The bonfire was built over a couple of days, during the hottest part of August. He also decided that it would be a good idea to contain the fire in a three sheets of steel, of decent thickness, forming three sides of a square with the remaining side open. In order to light the fire he poured some petrol onto the wood, allowing it to "soak in" (or to the rest of us "form highly flammable petrol vapour in the heat"), then bending down, carefully shielded behind metal sheet, reached round and introduced a flame.

So, to recap, sheet metal heated in blazing sunlight, tinder-dry wood placed in said 'oven', half a can of petrol and a naked flame.

The petrol exploded, sending flames, not only six foot into the air, but also out through gap in metal sheets and backwards towards the hapless firestarter.

With hair and face ablaze he ran straight for the nearby pond, slapping wildly at the cranial inferno. Fortunately he managed to put the fire out before having to throw himself in with the fishes.

The Gollumesque appearance was almost complete, with even a strange strangled voice, where he managed to scorch his mouth and throat in the explosion.

Needless to say we were all thoroughly supportive and did not mention his mishap in anyway. To this day, we still don't mention that Mike Lonsdale, who works at DSG, looked like Gollum, on a bad day.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 3 Nov 2005, 12:49, Reply)