Anna Nutherthing...
(always liked her)

Shopmobility carts
Problem: I've been knocked off my feet and off my bike by old farts who can barely see or hear driving these small and whisper-quiet tanks at running speeds out of alleys, doorways and footpaths.
Solution: They become subject to the same driver standards, licencing and insurance as a small car or moped.

Elderly men who wear hats in the car
Problem: They clog up the roads on Sundays, never seem to know where they are going, and leave their indicators flashing for hours at a time.
Solution: Immediate euthanasia for anyone wearing a hat in the car when the ambient temperature is above 5 Celsius (and they are not a fireman wearing a fireman's hat, though strippers dressed as fireman should still be euthanased).

The word 'euthanased'
Problem: It's a hateful scientific sounding euphemism for killing, when everyone knows what "put to sleep" means, it's the same number of syllables and works perfectly well.
Solution: Anyone using it (i.e. all American and Australian commenters) should be "put to sleep". Except me. In the dictatorship of me, you have to do as I say but I don't.

Continuity announcers and voiceover artistes who use unnatural intonation that'd get you funny looks/punched if you tried using it in ordinary life
Problem: Almost everyone doing the V/O for programme trails on every radio and TV station in the UK, and almost every v/o in adverts, uses a very peculiar intonation that sounds like something between a children's television presenter demonstrating how to yodel and an adolescent boy whose voice is in the throes of breaking i.e. it sounds silly.
Solution: Remove the vocal chords of anyone found guilty, and execute any director or producer who asks any performer to debase themselves in this way (unless it's for comic or satirical effect). If they then retrain as a sign language interpreter and use exaggerated signing in the same way, chop their yodelling hands off.

The "Degree Celsius"
Problem: The Fahrenheit and Centigrade temperature systems used degress on their scales. The accepted SI unit of temperature is now the Kelvin (Celsius is acceptable if the scale starts at the freezing point of water at STP). The whole media establishment, with barely a science GSCE between them, now thinks that the "degree" part indicates temperature, so they talk about "degrees Celsius".
Solution: As for yodelling continuity announcers. The removed vocal chords/hands can be disposed of by incineration at 1000 Celsius.

"Sharp showers"
Problem: The meteorological establishment in the media now talk about sharp showers, but the public don't. This wouldn't particularly matter, if only the weather forecasts gave some kind of definition of what constitutes a "sharp" shower. Are the raindrops pointy and bladed, for instance?
Solution: Actually - you can thank me later, folks - I have already solved this one, by the simply procedure of asking the Met Office what they mean by "sharp shower". It means, officially, a "sudden, short, heavy shower". I know you've all been worrying about that one - you can relax now.

Lastly (for now)Male wigs and hairpieces
Problem: Male pattern baldness makes some men so insecure about their looks that they wear wigs, weaves, and so on in the hope that it will make them look more attractive. It doesn't, of course - they look the same, only with a thatched roof woven from the pubic hair of ginger people (qv Elton John. Even if it's dark hair, it still looks a bit gingery (qv John Travolta).
Solution: Point and laugh at every man wearing a wig or hairpiece that is not part of a special fancy dress or drag costume. In fact, make it illegal to wear a wig or hairpiece (or get a transplant) without dressing in full drag. Leave the ladies for us real men *gleams, scalpily*
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 17:49, 3 replies)

I came across an odd weather term also.
My Windows desktop weather applet thingy at work used to say "Sprinkles" -- but when I looked out of the window there weren't any hundreds and thousands falling form the sky. I think it meant "spitting", but I'm still not sure. not that it was ever correct anyhow...
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:43, closed)

I've always distrusted anyone who finds it necessary to wear a hat while driving
This includes old duffers, young neds in baseball caps and 20-something blokes who think a trilby is fashionable and should be worn at all times.

And the wig thing gets me too. Walk past a bald man and you don't notice. Walk past a man in an obvious wig (and they all are) and you start to laugh at him.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:17, closed)

If you live up here *points*
Then you might sympathise as to why I keep my beanie on until the engine has warmed up in winter.

Once that happens it gets chucked on the passenger seat however.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 23:27, closed)