"Easy" cook stuff
Boil in the bag rice The advert says you take the bag, pop it into boiling water for ten minutes, open the bag, and out comes rice. So... it's exactly like normal rice, except it's in a bag. And you have to use exactly how much is in the bag at any one time.

Oatso Simple Basically porridge oats in sachets, so the only simplifying they've done is the bit where you measure out some oats. And since you're still going to have to measure out the milk anyway, why fiddle-fart around with these little paper sachets?

Fajita kits Tortillas, spices and salsa in a cardboard box. Because these items are NEVER sold seperately, are they? And everyone has salsa and the same spices in their fajitas.

Stir fry packets You know, the packets full of machine-sliced vegetables. Some people seem to genuinely think it's impossible to make a stir-fry without these, that it's not possible simply to choose your own veg and slice it yourself.

What annoys me about these products is that they con people into thinking that cookery is more complex than it really is and that blah blah blah modern hectic lifestyle blah blah blah. Some people believe these things are cheaper as well, but they very rarely are because you pay for the additional packaging and processing. And this is another thing that makes my blood boil - people being taken in by misleading supermarket pricing. You have to read the small print where it gives £ per KG. Often one thing may be a couple of pence cheaper but only half the weight. This is how supermarkets trick people into thinking packets of veg are cheaper than loose veg, but almost always they are not.

So, yeah, the misanthropic Clarkson-esque statement which I don't actually support is: If you buy any of the above products, you don't deserve to eat.

And parsnips sometimes look like willies.
( Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 21:59, 11 replies)

You know...
I can barely walk around the poopermarket without doing some kind of butternut squash wang dance.
(howacearemonkeys itsaspoonerism, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 22:54, closed)

How very droll

( Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 23:05, closed)

In my state
It's a law that price per ounce must be at least half as large as the advertised price per package.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 23:53, closed)

Oatfor Fucksake
I tried that Oatso Simple stuff once. The worst part is the way you measure out the milk. According to the instructions, you;
1) Open the sachet
2) Pour the sickly-flavoured oats into a bowl
3) Fill the now-empty sachet with milk
4) Pour the milk into the bowl. This will be the correct amount.

Fucking WHAT? I've just woken up. My eyes are still trying to focus on something I saw upstairs five minutes ago. I'm shambling around the kitchen in a grubby dressing-gown, bumping into things, knocking over other things and swearing at the survivors. I have the motor skills of a shelf. And yet you expect me to manoeuvre a hulking great four-pint container over a tiny paper envelope, and pour milk into it? And actually get some of it in? Without the milk doing that thing where it comes out slowly for a bit and then suddenly gushes out like an unconvincing money-shot? Or the poxy little sachet collapsing and dumping semi-skimmed all over the floor? Or a flimsy paper envelope acting anything like a vessel for liquid?

Porridgey wankers.
(costas, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 0:12, closed)

An old bloke came in the shop I work in
and asked if we sold dumpling mix. Isn't that just suet and flour? We sold suet and flour seperately, but this wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't even aware they did such packet mixes. How long before they make pancake mix where you only need to add an egg and some milk. So that'd be a packet of flour. What? They already do? I see o.O
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 5:25, closed)

You need to get out more.

Just add water...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 8:21, closed)

When is a dumpling not a dumpling?
When it's a pancake.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 28 Sep 2011, 10:07, closed)

In my local Spar they have trays of fresh ready mashed potato and bags of frozen mashed potato. They also have a little tray containing two boiled eggs - just plain boiled eggs. Theyre over a quid. Who on earth would buy these things?
(Freakmandu, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 7:23, closed)

cunts who shop in the Spar ;-)

(McChinaman banned, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 10:34, closed)

This is barely wiorth the time it took to read
It's called convenience.

Why not go the whole hog? Keep your shit in a bucket and once a week take it to a sewage works.
(username failed moderation, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 10:58, closed)

I agree completely.
Apart from the bit about parsnips, Mr Wonky Wrongcock.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Wed 28 Sep 2011, 11:01, closed)