I'm going to hell for this...
Ms Crow is probably going to be less than impressed (she's heard this one before), but I can't resist sharing it with you. I also apologise to any other christians who spot all the inaccuracies in this one. Nevertheless, this is my own attempt to re-write the nativity...

(To the tune of 'Away in a Manger')
Away with a stranger, laid bare on the bed,
The young virgin Mary, as her legs she spread,
The stars in the night sky were all that she saw,
As she lay there beneath him and moaned like a whore.

Alas, three months later, she had increased in girth,
She had to tell Joseph "I'm going to give birth,"
He said, "I've not banged you, it cannot be mine!"
Oh, fucksocks, thought Mary, I've done it this time...

She said "Um...this angel, one night, did come down,
Did something unholy beneath my nightgown,
Therefore my conception is immaculate,"
Against all odds, Joseph believed all of that...

Two thousand years later, this tale we still tell,
And millions believe it, revere it as well,
But if this way for so long, the story has stayed,
We should pity poor Joseph, who never got laid.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 14:29, 3 replies)

Joseph did get his oats eventually
When teenage Jebus was in the temple debating with the rabbits (or something), didn't his parents tell him to come out because his brothers and sisters were waiting for him?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 15:16, closed)

Yeah,
he did have half-siblings (if you assume that Jehovah was his Dad)

Similarly, the Immaculate Conception is actually something to do with Mary's birth, not Jebus, as most people think. As I say, there are a lot of biblical inaccuracies in this version of the song.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 15:20, closed)

The rhyme
between "immaculate" and "of that" is a work of genius.
(Amos Moses, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 17:13, closed)