Jehova's witnesses
There are probably loads of jehova witness stories on here by now - so here's mine.

I went out with one. Nearly married her actually. Now, JWs are actually really nice people. Totally wrong-headed, close minded, and hypocritcal, but generous and all round nice people.

Except my girlfriends dad. Who hated me. Because I wasn't 'in the truth'. Because I asked too many questions. Because I had friends who were goats. Witnesses are sheep, everyone else is a goat. (or sheep, can't remember which way round it goes.)

I knew this relationship was doomed when he called me Satan. I giggled, thinking he was joking. He wasn't. He was deadly, utterly, serious. He literally thought I was Satan.

How cool is that?

I could cope with that if the cunt wasn't an ex-alcoholic, who destroyed his family, messed up his daughters head, spent all his money, lost the family home...but then found God. So he can judge ME now, the fucking cunt.

I hated him. If I wouldn't join 'the truth', and wanted to stay with my gf, then she would be ostracised from her family and friends.
My fiancee basically had to choose, me or god.

God won.
God stole my fiancee.

Bastard.

(still worked out well in the end, she's married to a happy JW, and I found someone fantastic in every way)
(inflateable, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 19:48, 3 replies)

btw
Don't be rude to JWs banging on doors, esp. the younger ones. They hate doing it to, and find it very emabarrsing, but they do genuinely believe they are doing you a favour. They are trying to save your soul - I mean, that's awfully nice of them.

If you want to get rid of them, tell them you're an apostate and they won't come back. (They really mean heretic, but that's got nasty overtones...)
(inflateable, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 19:52, closed)

As a member of the Holy Church of The True Word and the Burning Cross
I believe that all non-church members can only have their souls saved by being doused in petrol and set light to.

Thus people shouldn't start screaming when I'm trying to light them on fire as I hate doing it too, and find it very embarrassing, but I do genuinely believe I am doing you a favour. I'm trying to save your soul - I mean, that's awfully nice of me.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 10:16, closed)

touche
.
(inflateable, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 17:52, closed)