CHCB, up a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G
I may come across as a complete and utter shameless hoor but I am actually quite discerning and, in truth, I didn't even have so much as a snog with a real boy (posters of Christian Slater don't count) until I was 16.

He was 18, one of the cool types (as cool as you can be in a one-horse town where the horse is a donkey and the donkey is dead) with a Keanu Reeves floppy haircut and a Public Enemy badge sewn on to his denim jacket. I was a nerdish, lanky redhead in oversized Heavy Metal t-shirts and Doc Marten boots.

There was competition, for sure - competition over him, not over me. My sister and her friends were wetting their knickers at the sight of him too. I had no female friends - hell, I barely had any friends - so I had nothing to lose except my self-respect, dignity and virginity.

And then, finally, it happened! On the way home from a party, nine people jammed into a Renault Clio, he and I ended up sitting in the boot. He began to stroke my hand and I was in such a state of complete excitement that the nine mile journey had me at the peak of excitement, not that I knew what an orgasm was, or indeed how to work the situation so that I had one.

Two days later we all went into the woods. We were running around, messing about and generally spoiling the tranquility when he and I decided to climb a tree. There, 15 feet off the ground, he wrapped one arm round a branch, another around my waist, said "if you fall, I fall" and leant in for my first kiss, which turned out to be one of the most perfect kisses I have ever experienced. I floated out of that tree, I was walking on air, and over the next three months I learned the unparalleled joy of cold hands on warm skin and how to explain away my muddy knees when I got home.

He then left me for my sister's 13 year old friend. I cried for weeks. Still, fortunately I had kept my treasured virginity intact for someone more deserving else.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 16:20, 6 replies)

Top marks
for the first use I've seen of 'hoor' in QOTW!

It's a bit of a shite that you got dumped for a 13 year old though. :(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 16:43, closed)

^ Half your age plus seven
Is, I'm told, the safe way to calculate ages that are off limits. Though, if Madame Marlboro's recent post is to be believed, it's not always true.

Not that it isn't a kick in the teeth to be dumped for someone who's barely pubescent. If it helps at all, my first long-term girlfriend dumped me and then called me a week later to ask if my friend's older brother was single.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 16:46, closed)

In any case...
Half his age plus 7 would be 16.

Who cares, I can still go out with teenagers. Woo!!!
(Milo Minderbinder, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 16:52, closed)

The bloke was an eejit
.
nuff said
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 2 Sep 2008, 17:41, closed)

half your age plus 7 you say
that would suggest at 39 if i were to noodle someone under the age of 26 i would be a moral outcast

but, if i bumped uglies (and it would be ugly) with a 64 year old granny all would be well with the world

nah I'm not happy with that
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 6:55, closed)

Umm...
So, being as I'll be 40 in a couple of weeks, is it wrong I've been shagging a 17 year old?

Mind you - nobody thinks I'm older than early 30's...
( snee held his breath since, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 9:56, closed)