Blast from the Past
Years ago, in school I had a good friend, we will call her H. we used to do loads together, sit next to each other in classes, mess around in school and out and generally were great friends. We sort of had the odd little kiss and cuddle, but never got together, mostly because we were such good friends, and it seemed like we had an awesome relationship without the need for all that soppy nonsense.

We remained friends throughout school and into university, going to colleges on opposite sides of the country but stayed in touch through text messages and phone calls. We used to make jokes about getting married and so on, and then we ended spending a half term together, just cruising around the country in her car and having a great time. On the last night, one thing led to another - we were a bit drunk - and we ended sleeping with each other.

Next day was like nothing had happened, and we were still great mates and she left to go back to her uni. It was then I realised how much I missed her, and how we had such an awesome relationship, and what I'd been feeling all these years was love! So I did what emotionally stunted boys do in that situation and got drunk and wrote her a letter proffessing my love, and how I was going to wait for her until after we finished university and that I thought we were totally made for each other.

Now I'm sure you know where this is going. I instantly felt like a complete idiot, having sobered up and realising what I'd posted the night before. So I wasn't really suprised when the response came back where H said that she didn't love me in that way, and that she couldn't be my one true love and so on and so on. So we never spoke again, much to my dismay and eternal regret.

The years passed and I tried to track her down to apologise and hopefully rekindle our friendship which was the best one I've ever had, but I couldn't find her. So I just resigned myself to the fact that she was gone from my life and I should stop pining and get on with things.

Now, just recently (nearly ten years later), she got back in touch with me. We have talked, and we have got a lot off our chests. But the upshot is that she didn't really mean what she wrote in her letter back to me, she just felt as though she was undeserving of my love and didn't know how to deal with it. She felt exactly the same about me, but didn't know how to admit it, and because she thought I hated her for turning me down, she had been too scared to get back in touch all these years. But now she has, and I haven't felt happier in all my days.

However, I am now married and with two children, all of whom I love dearly and unequivocally. But I'm completely torn apart by the feelings that have resurfaced. Obviously, because I'm not a cunt, I wont be doing anything reprehensible but seeing H again has stirred up a lot of forgotten emotion, and made me realise what's been missing in my life. But I am also very aware of the mind's ability to rose tint everything, and that I'm probably romanticizing everything I remember. But still, I'm in an impossible situation, torn between loyalty, love and security with my family, and the burn of my first true love back to haunt me, and wondering how things could be, or could have been.

And that's really the end of my story. This has been both the best, and the worst thing that has happened to me, and I write this to serve as a warning to all you quiet romantics out there pining over your unrequited feelings - Make sure you take every opportunity in love, and don't lie to your lover, don't hide from your feelings and most of all don't wait forever to tell someone how you feel, if you're sure about your feelings then dive in.

A broken heart will heal, but there's nothing worse than wondering how things could have been if you'd just taken that chance.
( BlueHaze Chutney. All good., Wed 3 Sep 2008, 17:24, 2 replies)

wow!
What a lovely story. They say that friends reunited has bought up lots of the issues you talk about. There has been lots of family break ups because of trying to get in touch with old flames. It doesn't always work as you expect it too. On the other hand, staying with your partner for the sake of children doesn't work either. I've been there and done that, but now I'm happy and very much in love and still have a great relationships with my kids.
( lafleur likes cheese, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 17:36, closed)

oh man
my black little heart started to glow as i worked my way through that

until of course the married with kids brick dropped (not that that is bad)

i just wanted a nice mushy ending. this QOTW is turning me into a big mincing jessie

*skips off to chase a butterfly*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 17:47, closed)