Just last night
I was out with Rob and Richard, my old college friends, having a beer or three at their favorite establishment- a place whose slogan is "Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined", and whose waitresses all wear skin tight tank tops and orange shorts.

Me, I really hate the place- it's full of chavs and rednecks, it's loud and echoey, the food always gives me the lethal farts the next day, and frankly the waitresses are usually not very pretty and are rather dim. But as the boys like it so much, I go along with it.

So here we are at our table and the waitress comes up and starts trying to banter with me. As I was tired and in a mood I gave her a brittle smile as she was prattling and told her, "You've met me before. The first time we met Richard asked you your age-" at this point I could see Richard's eyes bug out and a flush starting- "and when you told him, it turned out that you're younger than my son."

Richard looked well on his way to aneurysm, the girl looked shocked and Rob was trying to be inconspicuous behind his beer. The girl recovered and said, "Well then, maybe you could set me up with him!" and retreated as fast as her skinny little legs could carry her.

I looked at Richard, who had up until that point been flirting with her, and saw defeat in his eyes. "Oh come on, Richard! She's a two synapse cretin! You can't be serious! There's a twelve year gap between you!" I took a pull from my beer. "Besides, I'm the one that got mistaken for my daughter's boyfriend over the weekend!"

I'm pretty sure that if he could have, Richard would have sent me to hell right then.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 20:27, 17 replies)

ugh...
so creepy.
(Phoenix211, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 20:47, closed)

and for the record
i was mistaken for your girlfriend. yes, there is a difference.
(Phoenix211, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 20:51, closed)

I know.
It's semantics, kid. I was going for the easiest phrasing here. Trying to express that would have come out jumbled.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 20:53, closed)

Pretty much.
I mean, he's 30 for god's sake- going after someone younger than my oldest kid is something that creeps ME out.

Good thing he's never serious about pursuing one of them, or I'd have to give him a good hard Dope Slap.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 20:52, closed)

all this family mix-up
is freakin' me out - stop that!!!
(The Lunatic Artist throws paint to the wind, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 21:32, closed)

But... but...
she started it!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 21:36, closed)

No, no, you...
started it! Erm, I mean her. In a fruit-of-the-loins kind-of-a-way...
(Mucky has squinted at the screen with one eye shut since, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 0:02, closed)

AHHHHHH!!!!
that's creepy too!
(Phoenix211, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 3:53, closed)

Just remember what I told your brother.
I can always play the "your mom" card- and make it stick!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 14:35, closed)

hey!
don't you think that you've done enough damage?
(Phoenix211, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 16:46, closed)

Chav-hole
Whereabouts in VA are you and which tacky yet unrefined bar due you frequent?
(chrismoo, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 3:00, closed)

I'm in Richmond
and the bar in question is Hooters.

I have yet to go into one that wasn't a horrifying experience- but then, I've only been into three of them. Yet somehow I can't help but think that they're all about the same...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 11:49, closed)

YAY!
The b3ta family get together!

Hang on....hide!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 12:30, closed)

Heh.
Only if we get my oldest son in here as well- but he usually posts to /board.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:06, closed)

There's more?
*Runs for the hills*

...*runs for his li-i-ife*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:16, closed)

Yup.
And my middle son isn't even here yet! Just wait, I'll recruit him too...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:31, closed)

psh
doubt it! that's not a very alex thing to do...
(Phoenix211, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 16:45, closed)