Jammy Bastard
When at Uni in Leeds I had a cheapskate housemate who would not respect the ownership of food in the fridge. He'd never take one of your pasties as his own, but he would not think twice about taking a little bit of what he thought you might not notice. I had no real proof that the guy I suspected was the actual culprit so I decided to test him out with a jar of jam from safeway that cost 19p.

The jam was left unopened in the fridge and after a couple of weeks there was only about a third left. I had had none of the jam and I was ready to set the trap.

I squirted a good amount of washing-up liquid into the jam jar and gave it a quick stir. Low and behold, the next morning my prime suspect came into the lounge with his breakfast toast smeared with delicious-looking jam. After one bite he began smacking his lips and gulping at his cup of tea. "This is really dry" he complained, "Whose jam is that in the fridge? I think it's gone off."

"I thought it was yours." I replied while keeping a stoney-straight face.
(the viking A bit yellowy., Fri 6 Apr 2007, 13:51, Reply)