How we chortled....
It used to be my job to run Restart courses (for any non-Brits reading this, the Restart course is - or used to be - another name for; 'come along to this one week course, and we'll try to figure out why you don't have a job after at least two years of unemployment, and we'll also try to help you review your options with regards to getting you off the dole, you scum. P.S. If you don't attend, we'll be stopping your benefit. Love, Employment Services xxx')

As you can guess, most of the attendees didn't REALLY want to be there, but were laughingly cajoled by the powers that be, by the threat of having their unemployment benefits rescinded. In truth, only about half of those 'invited' ever turned up (go figure) and most of those that DID had probably had to have a week off work to be there, such is the black economy.... (it means working illegally whist claiming benefits, OK?)
Anyway, I digress...... One of the exercises we had to perform as course leaders was a little thing called "What's Stopping Me Getting Back To Work?", in which we had to get the group (did I mention there was group? Oh yes.....ususally of about 15.....!) to brainstorm some or all of the factors preventing them from getting gainful (No, Gaz....dealing on the estate DOESN'T really count...) employment. These we would then write onto a flipchart to be examined, discussed and hopefully overcome by the group as a whole, at their leisure (no pun intended)...
Such barriers to employment would include things like 'lack of qualifications', 'there are no jobs' (always a favourite), and 'I get more in benefits than I can earn in a job'....
One particular week the exercise was progressing fairly normally until the following interchange......

Me: Anybody think of any more?
Doley Scum #1: Literacy! That's a barrier!
Me: Yep, well done! Any more?
Doley Scum #2: Numeracy! That's one!
Me: Great! That's another....any more?
Doley Scum #3: Er, what's numeracy?
Doley Scum #2: It's when you can't count...
Doley Scum #3: Hey, that's me that is! That's me! I'm illiterate with numbers.....

Before I could correct him, one of his colleagues saved me the trouble, and, putting it far more succinctly than I ever could....

Doley Scum #2: No you're not.....you're INNUMERATE........you illiterate b*stard....!






Absolutely no apologies for length or height....although I AM secretly quite proud of the spelling and punctuation......
(Desolation Angel, Thu 13 Jan 2005, 14:35, Reply)