Sexist jokes
They seem to insult most ladies I know anyway;

Q: Why did god give women legs?
A: Have you seen the mess snails make?

Fish only started to smell like that since women started swimming in the sea.

Repetition of this and a few select others actually had me swilled by my wife (then to-be) and i still married her!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:18, Reply)

....
my sister was arguing with my dad a while back and it went something like this:

Sister: well your fat, least i'm not fat.
Dad: yea well your mum shat on your head when you were born!

she then ran crying over to my mum and started screaming "DID YOU?!!TELL ME NOW!"

.
(i eat crayons, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:17, Reply)

take yer pick...
Some favourites of mine from the past...


raging fucktard
horsebox headed bastard
horse's arse
fucking growbag bastard
arsepiece


Finally for now, two which cut deep...

"you were a wank... until your mam wiped her cunt with the same rag"

and another which is frequently shortened to stretchmarks in my neck of the woods...


"lets see your hands a minute... just as I thought... stretch marks on the fingers from dreeping out the abortion bucket!"
(clearasmud, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:17, Reply)

To an annoying kid at school
"You smell like open arse"

Stopped him in his tracks.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:17, Reply)

Honk My Hooter!

10 pages in 3 hours!

bugger my bumwad!

anyhoo, here's some of my favourites...

From Withnail & I: "You can stick it up your arse and fuck off while you're doing it"

From Blackadder: "He's as thick as the big-print edition of the complete works of Charles Dickens"

From me: "Hit me with your best shot, you bunch of snivelling wank-bats" (as written to my local council when they tried to shaft me with a bill recently)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:15, Reply)

You smell
of wee.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:15, Reply)

ecclesiastical
you are the Arse-Bishop of Cunterbury
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:15, Reply)

Your Dads So Gay . . .
He had to have his Hoop stitched back in
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:10, Reply)

Insults......
Pissflaps and Fucktard are perennial favourites.
But the plain usage of "Prick" works everytime.
(hellboydan, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:10, Reply)

Primary school eh?
At junior school my 6 year old Neice was called a "Honkey"
Which was nice
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:09, Reply)

BLADE TRINITY!
My favourite Insult has to be:

"You Cock Juggling Thundercunt!"

Although the wife didn't appreciate it when I called her it...
( diablo290582 Professional.....something., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:08, Reply)

I'm a second born twin
My brother still calls me his afterbirth.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:08, Reply)

"You love coons, you do"

(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:08, Reply)

Bowling
while slowly moving in traffic, a 10 year old kid last week informed me that
"Your nan likes to be picked up like a bowling ball, 2 fingers in the front and a thumb in the back.

I laughed so hard I nearly crashed into the car in front
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:06, Reply)

nitpicky twunt

( Your watch is BACK, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:05, Reply)

Insults.........
"You look like your Mums cock"
Confusing enough to baffle the recipient.

Be gentle it's my first post.
(hellboydan, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:05, Reply)

seen written on a toliet wall...
"Your mum owes my dog fuck money."

One of the finest insults I've ever heard. Well, read.
(Mowgarr, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:04, Reply)

INBRED! LOL
Your family tree is a WREATH!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:03, Reply)

Hmmmmm!
I can see this qotw running out of steam by Monday.

You bollock-brained bum buggerer.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:03, Reply)

We dont have the prejudice over here, but
Ginger.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:03, Reply)

your mum is so fat
when she picked you up from primary school, smaller mums used to get sucked into her gravity well
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:03, Reply)

Incest is best keep it in the family
You're so inbred your family tree is a stump.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:02, Reply)

Inbreeds
When somewhere remote, my usual craic is;

I just seen some strange graffiti in a bus stop outside, there were about 15 first names and just one sirname at the bottom.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:01, Reply)

you're not the ugliest bloke in the world
but you look like him
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:01, Reply)

Norfolk
I went there once. It was like the Island of Dr Moreau.
(Vic Flange, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 16:00, Reply)

Woof!
I bet when you were a kid, you mother had to tie a pork chop 'round your neck to get the dog to play with you.

You have a face a dog wouldn't lick.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:59, Reply)

We have users that we describe as NFN
Normal For Norfolk
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:59, Reply)

complacent ass

( Your watch is BACK, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:57, Reply)

smokey and the bandit
There is No way, No Way, that you are from my Loins, when we get back I'm gonna smack your momma in the mouth
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:57, Reply)

Computer insults!
"He's a 12:00 blinker. That's when you go to his house and every appliance is blinking 12:00..."

"The problem is between the chair and the keyboard."

"It's an ID Ten T Error." (ID10T)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:57, Reply)