In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed ForcesI've never been a soldier. I was an air cadet once, but that mostly involved sitting in a mouldy hut learning about aeroplane engines with the hint that one day we might go flying.
Yet, anyone who has spent time defending their nation, or at least drinking bromide-laced-tea for their nation, must have stories to tell. Tell them now.
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chthonic, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:26)
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Just been reminded by Waynster's shit storyAgain, to do with the daily ration-packs ("ratpacks").
Within these packs, one gets: loo roll, mints, Kendall Mint Cake, chocolate, dried milk, tea bags, powdered milk, water purifying tablets, boil-in-the-bag meals (soss+beans, spotted dick etc...sticks to your ribs type of food). And biscuits. Two types: "biscuit browns", and "biscuit fruits".
The food all serves a purpose: stops you being hungry, the mint cake and chocolate are good for immediate energy rushes etc. And the biscuits...? Browns clog you up, and Fruits relieve the ensuing constipation. So if one had to do a couple of days really hard slog, they'd eat the browns, and therefore not have to waste precious time defecating. They'd then eat the Fruits when they had time to spare for shitting.
Except we weren't told this. To us, biscuit browns were just part of the food. The Ratpacks were all out of date surplus, so the food was pretty nasty anyway; most of us lived off pot noodles, cheap vodka and cigarettes. However, there was one boy, who loved the biscuit browns. Couldn't get enough of them. Loved them so much he ate all of ours as well.
Two weeks later, he took his first dump after eating the bisuits. His screams could be heard all around his boarding house.
So let that be a warning to you: if you eat all the brown, balance it out and eat all the fruits as well.
(, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 14:54, Reply)
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