The Revenge Of Inanimate Objects
Many moons ago, I used to work for a brewery alongside the Manchester Ship Canal, adjacent to one of the many swing-bridges along it's length (Stockton Heath for anyone who's interested...). There were many places about the brewery where one could skive off to with very little risk of being found in a hurry, and one such spot was on one of the roofs which overlooked the swing-bridge and a small newsagents-cum-grocery shop which stood a mere 30 yards from the bridge.

The number of times that we were able to look down on the passing traffic and witness drivers with their hands up their wifes/girlfriends/secretary's skirts (and very often this being reciprocated) as they passed, oblivious to us watching from above, are too numerous to mention, but sadly, that is a story for another time, as I am digressing....

The aforementioned newsagents/grocery shop was a veritable goldmine, as practically everybody who worked in the brewery used it on their way to, from or during work, and it being on a very busy main road (A49) also meant that they got a lot of passing trade.

Anyway, on the day in question, a handful of us had taken ourselves out onto the roof, for although it had rained heavily during the night, the day had dawned sunny and warm and everything had dried up nicely enough to catch some rays. It was at this point that a truck driver pulled up outside the shop, doubtless with the intention of picking up a Ginsters or a Yorkie or such-like. He exited his cab, and on his way around the truck to reach the kerb, he proceeded to start checking the straps that were holding whatever the truck was carrying. He continued around the back of the truck and onto the kerb, all the time tugging at each strap to ensure that his load was indeed secure. Satisfied that it was, he turned to go into the shop and walked straight into the lamp post which was holding the road sign, warning of the impending proximity of the bridge...

Now, dear reader, this would have been funny in itself, but the guy then proceeded to go absolutely MENTAL.... He seized the lamp-post and went completely ape-shit with it! He was kicking it, screaming at it (it's a lamp-post FFS!) before finally seizing it in both hands and attempting to strangle it.

I'm not sure that what happened next was actually karma, or whether he had frightened the poor lamp-post so much that it felt it was time to fight back... Like most road signs in the UK - especially those of a warning nature - this one had a light above it, so that it could be illumunated (obviously) at night. These lamps have a protective diffuser over them to protect them from the elements, but obviously this one had worked loose at some point and had allowed the weather to get in... Did I mention that it had rained heavily the night before...?

Yep, all the shaking and physical abuse left the poor lamp-post no option but to dump the contents of it's diffuser onto the driver's head and shoulders. He was wetter than an otter's pocket. I like to think that at this point, reason kicked in, and the driver realised his folly, before giving up and slinking sheepishly into the shop.

I would love to be able to add that on his exit from the shop we gave him a hard time from the safety of our fooftop vantage point, and ripped the piss no end, but in actual fact, he looked so broken and beaten that we couldn't bring ourselves to do it. Still makes me laugh nearly twenty years later though...
(Desolation Angel, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 16:56, 2 replies)

*clicks*
for "wetter than an otter's pocket". Great story!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Feb 2008, 17:21, closed)

fooftop
fantastic typo

click!
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 8:13, closed)