A brief compilation:
Dear J,
If you spend half an hour insisting women have it much easier than men, you will not then get to see my boobies. Furthermore, I will never forgive you for taking me to see Rock & Rolla.

Dear Another J,
Rape jokes are not the same as flirting. Being a student of...let us say Flower Studies, because I think you read b3ta, does not make you a freelance flower. My friends don't hate you because they're cliquey elitist dicks (though they are), they hate you because feminism is catching and they've heard you talk about women when you're not trying to convince me you're a New Man.

Dear at least half the people on my course,
Spelling and grammar are important. Particularly if you plan on going on to be a...flower, where knowing the difference between its and it's tends to come in handy. Did you all miss that one lesson at school on the correct use of the apostrophe?

Dear sibling,
Shut the fuck up about New Zealand and how it's your spiritual home and you're going back there so some German dude called Konrad can teach you to ski. Also, stop telling me to quit smoking.

Dear Brian McNair, alleged authority on flowers,
You're a cunt. There is no causal link between the increase in female gardeners and the decrease in pretty flowerbeds. It is arguable, even, that there has been a decrease in pretty flowerbeds. If a flower is found all over Scotland, it is not 'regional'. I have no idea why my lecturers bum you so much.

Dear self,
Shut the fuck up and write your dissertation.

Love etc
(Shinigami, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 18:50, 3 replies)

Media student at Chester eh?
How is old Padgate doing these days?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 6 Mar 2010, 19:09, closed)

Is one of those J's
a certain JC? Who wore a sombrero to Download?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 19:21, closed)

Chester, yes; though Journalism sounds a bit less fries-with-that than Media.

Ghost: I'm saying nothin'. Though if you are who I think you are, I think JC introduced me to you.
(Shinigami, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 8:06, closed)