Oh no you don't...
Since both of my little victories fall are of the same ilk I shall lump them in together for you...

I may be from the UK, so I know how to queue. It seems others don't. Take the other day, for example, I had got to the bank early, (on the way back from taking one of the kids to school, so had the other in a buggy,) and I wasn't the first. In time honoured tradition, an unofficial queue had formed, but both sides of the door, with an unwritten acknowledgement as to who had first dibs. As the doors were about to open, a builder type stood in the middle, disregarding BOTH factions of sweaty palmed would be customers.
The first movements were polite, those who had a legitimate claim to entry were going in order, until I saw builder chappy going for the killer push. 'Not on MY watch you don't' I thought, and pushed the (big) buggy right in his way. I looked at him with my mediocre glare, made sure he couldn't move or jump the line, then, as it was my turn to go in, I ran over his foot with the buggy!
"Sorry, mate" was my best retort for his insolence, as I no doubt caused him NO PAIN WHATSOEVER with my pneumatic tyre! I had won.


Part two requires some of those wavy line things as I take you back into the mists of my youth.


New Years eve, at one of the finest drinking establishments Leatherhead had to offer at the time, and busy it was. I was stood at the corner of the L shaped bar, waving my tenner like everyone else. But I've been a barman, I know to watch your customers and form a mental queue in my head as to who's next. Common sense you might think.
Not this barkeeper, one of many who'd obviously been employed for that one busy night. I had already clocked who was in front of me, as you do when you wait at a bar, you take a metaphorical ticket and wait your turn. He was stood a few yards from me on the short part of the L and getting just as frustrated as I was at the lack of coherence employed by the bartender. As I watched pint after pint served, with no sign of getting served myself, I snapped.
Then a pretty girl sauntered up through the throng to get her drink.
You can see what's coming, barman goes straight to her service, no doubt hoping for some favour in return for his.

"OI!!" I yelled, in a manner that stopped the turntable a la "American Werewolf" style.
"I don't care how pretty she is, you're going to serve THAT gentleman there, then you're going to serve me!"
I'd like to think the bar cheered, that hats were flung high and pats on the back were forthcoming. That's what happened in my head, in reality, the barman was so shocked, he meekly apologised and got our drinks, but the guy who'd been waiting longer than me offered to buy mine as a thanks.

I got served promptly for the rest of the evening.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:23, 10 replies)

It always confuses me when I find myself in a club that can't hire decent bartenders.
It's not exactly a difficult concept - there's only three rules:

1. You have your section. Keep track of the queue in the few yards of bar that belong to you.
2. Anyone who responds to your "Yes mate, what can I get you?" with either "errr....." or by turning to their mates and saying "right boys, what d'you want?" moves to the back of the queue again
3. Regulars who always drink the same (bottled) drinks, who can be relied upon to have the right money in their hand, have the privilege of occasional non-verbal queue-jumping (eye contact, nod, grab their bottle while you're serving someone else, take their money).

Those were my rules, and I always got by OK with them.
(bblgoose, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:32, closed)

Absolutely.
Why oh why couldn't you have been the batman that fatefull night?!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:38, closed)

Haha! Predictive text!
I'm going to let that one stay! Sounds much better than barman!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:39, closed)

Because he was out fighting crime
in his mask and cape.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:40, closed)

Haha!
I'm quick, but you're quicker!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:41, closed)

Ah....
You've obviously seen my website:-(
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 9:43, closed)

Totally with you here
Bar staff are your customers' umbilical cord, hire competent ones.
(lolwhites, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 11:20, closed)

Ah, so it is an unwritten rule then.
I'm a #3 and wondered if it was the case.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 18:53, closed)

Ditto

( snee held his breath since, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:35, closed)

And...
A bit of multitasking often results in "and one for yourself"!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:57, closed)