Well, there's my username...
When I was about eight years old I wanted a pet. My parents had owned a setter called Barney before I was born which was apparently the worst dog ever and spent most of its time shitting everywhere and biting stuff (people, furniture, etc.), so dogs were decided to be out of the question.

A rabbit seemed like no trouble, so my dad arranged to take one off a bloke in the pub who kept rabbits, and spent a Sunday in the back garden contructing a quite impressive hutch (he did love his woodwork), and covering much of our garden with an elaborate chicken-wire run.

Snowy was the most beautiful rabbit who was ever born. I thought rabbits were crap, but when he arrived I realised that this was a special rabbit. He was a pristine white bundle of fluffy gorgeousness. He would hop around, always be happy to cuddle, and ate enough to grow -to my young perspective- about as big as a dog, anyway. I would come home from school and spend hours with Snowy. He was even allowed to come in through the patio doors into the back room (wood floor, east to wipe rabbit shit up) for an hour a night. He was my pride and joy, my best friend, and my first pet.

Anyway. As inevitably happens when you live in a fairly rural area, a fox got into the garden one night, and killed him. It didn't even eat him - just got into the hutch enough to maul him to a bloody death.

Naturally, I was inconsolable. I wouldn't go to school. I wanted to hold him, but my dad said he was going to give him a dignified burial, worthy of such a beloved friend, and Snowy would be best left until then. 'But why is he dead?' I asked. 'A fox got him', Mum explained. 'But why?', I asked, in the typical manner of an annoying child. 'Because Jesus decided he was ready to go to rabbit heaven', my Mum lamely explained.

I thought about it for a moment, dried my eyes, and said 'Well Jesus is a fucking cunt.'

The death of Snowy The Rabbit was my first experience of grief, my first dead pet, my BEST pet, and the only time I've ever used foul language in front of my dear mother.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 21:09, 4 replies)

Jesus is a cunt
and never helped you with a thing that you do, or you done.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 21:35, closed)

I agree
I think that whole episode may have been instrumental in cementing my negative view of manifestations of the supreme being who kill off innocent pets whilst spending far too much time appearing on toast.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 21:39, closed)

What are you going to say
when a fox gets hold of you?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 1 Feb 2013, 13:37, closed)

Pray to Allan Akbar
He seems to be popular.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 1 Feb 2013, 16:34, closed)