The Brown Watch
Having spent my clubbing years living in an East Anglian garrison town I've got a great deal of stories here. However this tale of woe concerns the time I was escorted out of my local high street VD exchange by a couple of angry doormen after a bout of uncontrolled vomiting into a bin next to the dancefloor. It wasn't my fault however, as the ever gracious reader will hopefully understand. Read on...

After recycling the seven pints of well watered down Luftwaffe Pilsner I'd imbibed during the evening's pursuit of skirt high culture, I tippy-toed over the two inch deep lake of piss that slopped underneath the club's urinals to be confronted by an agitated young Scots gentleman who'd obviously spent the Queen's Shilling at the bar.

"Argh, muhn. Ah' jest sha' meeshelf" it exclaimed.

Before I could offer a word of sympathy, my new Celtic friend shuffled round and dropped his trousers to proudly reveal that he'd pappered his military grots beyond economic repair. The sight of a shitty arse hovering over a pair of once white CKs bulging with the smeary remains of a dead otter made me heave.

In spite of this, I somehow managed to keep my lunch down and rejoined my pals at the bar in a somewhat shaken state.

What finally provoked my impromptu homage to Linda Blair wasn't the fact that I saw him an hour later, drooling and knuckle deep in one of Essex's fairest maidens on the dancefloor lazily gyrating to the strains of "Everything I do"...

...It was the look of sheer pleaure on her face as her unwitting hands greedily kneeded his arse.

Bleurgh. Taxi.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:48, 3 replies)

Now thats just
lovely! Ha!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 13:59, closed)

Was she a baker?
She probably had brown hands because she kneaded a poo.

(/shoehorn mangled stolen joke)
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 20:48, closed)

Hmm...
Colchester?
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 10 Apr 2009, 11:28, closed)