You might want to make a cup of tea or something...
Now, as a tiny bit of background to this, you'll need to remember that at the time of this happening, I was but a mere 17 year-old virgin (and only just 17 at that), somewhat less than skilled in the art of drinking, and generally just a bit of a dweeb. I was also convinced that the "losing half of the night" thing never happened to me; no matter how pissed I got I always remembered everything the next day.

Somehow, I'd managed to get myself a girlfriend, nothing too serious but a bit of a snog here and there and that was about it.

One weekend she decided that she and I and a few of her mates were going to hit Braintree's (then) only nightclub, the Late Parrot. Being underage, we all memorised dates of birth or in the case of the more babyfaced members of the group, borrowed ID, and hit the town.

I hated it; the music was crap, I hated dancing, I didn't know most of her friends, and the beer was expensive. Didn't stop me getting monumentally pissed though, and then being coerced into a bit of a slow dance at the end of the night.

Nothing much to remark on there, but a few weeks later, I was single again and was chatting to a friend at work, who was also friends with my now-ex. The conversation turned to that night at the club and what a nightmare I had been. Apparently, in addition to my memories of getting drunk, sitting grinning at everyone all night and having a crap slow dance the following had happened:

-trying to cop off with at least three of her mates.
-treading on her toes so badly during the slow dance that she stormed off the dancefloor and in fact out of the club
-trying to dance earlier in the night; so badly that she made me sit back down.

In one stroke, my illusion of "always remembering everything the next day" was shattered, and the embarrassment of that night was reborn, for my repeated enjoyment.

The next night at work, another friend was talking to me about the previous week's college disco - where I'd got very very drunk, spent the night talking to a girl I fancied very much, then tried to stand up and realised that I could barely move due to drunkenness, whereupon I walked home and was as sick as a dog.

"So, it was a good night" my friend said.
"Yeah, mostly." I replied "I was really really sick when I got home, I was so drunk!"
"I didn't see you much" said my mate
"No, I was out near the bar most of the night, talking to Stephanie" I told him.
"Oh yeah, that's right - you shagged her" he replied.
"Er, no! We just talked" I was gobsmacked
"No you didn't" he told me "We saw you, in one of the classrooms"

So, in the space of 24 hours I found out that yes I do actually forget things when I'm drunk, and that I was so drunk I didn't even remember losing my virginity.



...except that the second one of those facts wasn't true, as about a week later my friend confessed that he'd been pulling my leg about that shag, the fucker :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 13 Apr 2009, 0:51, Reply)