Oh, and on another note...
It was New Year's Eve, 2002. I'd still not lost the v-plates and I was getting desperate.

We're in Kingdom, in Sheffield, and I've pulled this young lady after some good groundwork in the pub earlier.

However, me and my friends had been drinking solid from about 11 in the morning, so by midnight, I was not of this earth.

So, when she said 'let's celebrate in the toilets' - who was I to say no?

And so, in the gents, in a cubicle (seemingly we weren't the only ones with the same) idea, she drops her panties, pulls my jeans down and gets to work.

Then...

I look up.

You know the bit in the Bible about epiphanies? Where you have a moment of clarity and realisation that what you're doing might not be completely right? Right then, as she's getting me hard, I had an epiphany, cutting right through the drunken haze, I had that moment of clarity.

She was UGLY. I mean, she had a face like a bag of smashed crabs.

So, I started to make my excuses, which basically conisisted of me pulling my keks up, shoving her out of the way, and legging it out of the toilets, out of the club and straight home (stopping for a kebab on the way home, natch).

So, I didn't get to lose it then, but a week later, I got it on with this chick I'd met before, and we ended up being together for a year and I got a real education in the bedroom.

Result.

Length? I have to strap the bugger down.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 28 Oct 2006, 23:32, Reply)