I've overcome monumental stupidity to make a complete fuck-up of my life, which I blame on my ex rather than face up to it.
I really did try to do things right for my daughter when she was a baby.

I broke up with her mother before she was born, because she was a violent, abusive, suspicious, paranoid mental case. You know, exactly the sort of person you would pick to be the mother of your child. She acquired the password to my mobile records and would secretly ring them daily to hear a call summary. She locked me out of my own flat (along with my indoor cat) in freezing weather so I had to kick my own door in to get in. She went for me with a knife once, and punched me in the face when I was DJing because I was chewing gum, which suggested to her that I was planning on kissing some made-up woman in the venue. Still, I thought she'd make a perfect parent so I knocked her up anyway.

She covertly took an copy of my doorkey and, when I'd broken up with her, sneaked into my house, went through my shredder and pieced together a phone bill to check up on me. When my daughter was born she wouldn't let my mother see her when she were in intensive care, when she'd spent two hours travelling up to see her. Then she forbade me to see her - I didn't see my daughter after the day she was born until she was four months old. For some reason. Nothing to do with the fact that I dumped her mother while she was pregnant with my child. No, I'm a hero for doing that.

To achieve this I had to take my daughter's mother to court, because after dumping her while pregnant I thought that would make a terrific encore. It cost me and my family over £6000 we didn't have just so I could see my daughter for 1.5h a week, which went up to 3h. Given her way it would have been 1.5h every fortnight which was frankly generous considering the way I treated her. My daughter's mother (who used to smoke crack and was a famous drug fiend, who hadn't done a day's work in three years before our daughter were born, again marvellous qualities in a prospective parent) claimed to the court that I couldn't be trusted around my daughter - because frankly I couldn't - despite the fact that in my imagination I ran a £1.5 million turnover business and never missed an appointment to see her.

These days I tell myself that the woman who raised my daughter is an evil, spiteful, manipulative cunt who did everything in her power to prevent her spending time with a father who - in reality - she'd be far better off without.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:08, 19 replies)

you two should just fuck

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:12, closed)

You missed the 'off' at the end of that.
(username failed moderation, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:20, closed)

I can see this thread ending splendidly.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:27, closed)

tl;dr

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:45, closed)

I call shenanigans.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:47, closed)

wow man the same thing happened to me!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:57, closed)

I think you're supposed to get cross,
belittle him, then threaten to fuck him up, or some such.

Come on, monkey, dance for our amusement!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 19:28, closed)

I see.
Give me a minute. I'm sure I can rustle up some righteous indignation.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 21:48, closed)

I almost felt something for you then.
Almost.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 21:07, closed)

You have a candle.
Have you considered putting it in your rectum?

Probably the unlit end. The lit ends tend to be a big soggy and also stingy.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 11:09, closed)