Junior School PE - Not a paedo in sight!!
Firstly, I shall relate to an incident in primary school with regards to "PE".
Yours truly has been told that the class of 25 is going to play cricket on the playground. On asphalt.

Yours truly has been asked by the lovely Mrs P to single handedly go and get the cricket wickets.
A simple task - complicated by the fact that these aren't your glorious Ashes level stumps lovingly crafted out of finest English oak. Oh no m'dears, young FComet at the age of 9 is going to get a relic of the 80s - steel, spring-loaded stumps on a baseplate. These are designed so that when a ball hits them they fall back, before springing back up powerfully to be upright once more.

Grasping to lift these [because cor, they were heavy fuckers] and I decide to hold one back so I can get a better grasp elsewhere.

Fatal mistake.

The pole springs right back up at full tilt and collides head on with my forehead - right above my eye. "Ouch", thinks I, "that will be a nasty bruise. If anybody asks, it was a footie accident" *

Young FComet is totally oblivious. The head hurts a little, but hey, there's PE to be played and it's sunny and after school Dad's taking one to McDonalds!

So I'm toddling down the corridor towards the door with the stumps in question until I walk past my sister - Sister Comet waves and walks by before turning back -and running to stop infront of me.Something to the effect of "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" is uttered by her own megaphone mouth - I'm confused. By the impact of the pole or what, we still know not m'dears **

Poles dropped, I'm dragged kicking and screaming to my teacher for first aid. It transpired that I had managed to knock myself a 4-inch and wide cut into my brow from the force of the impact - and the fact that both the blunt side and sharp edge of the top had crash-bombed into my skull. And blood was now everywhere - except where I could see it. Apparently a quarter of my face was caked in red carnage - and I remember one girl screaming to the back of the classroom as I walked in. Score. And I got the rest of the afternoon off :-)

The downside? I was bombed upto hospital by my dad to have a tetanus jab - hurt like fuck it did back then, ouch damnit all. ***

The upside? I got to go to McDonalds right after as the hospital in West Brom was 5 mins from McDs. :D

*I was quite naive and thick back then

**I was, and still a tad thick now. Derp.

***Nowadays injections are nothing, but to a 9yr old, they were hellish.


So that's how FightingComet managed to skive off a PE lesson unwittingly - and not a rugby field, nonce, forged note or crap PE kit in sight... :-)
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 23:41, Reply)