there but for the grace of god.....
my cousin, a devout born-again christian, got married a few years ago. now, i'm an atheist and she knows it, but she specifically asked me to give a reading at her wedding as i'd played an important part in her upbringing* and it would mean a lot to her and the groom.
at this time, i was a bit too large to wear anything that didn't make me look like a manatee in a marquee, so i was already feeling a bit nervous. added to that was the feeling of wrongness that came with reading aloud from the bible in front of people who not only believed fervently in it, but also knew full well that i didn't. with no introduction, i stood in front of a packed church and read in a stumbling, faltering voice. i felt a complete tit.
even worse, the next person to read was a member of their church, who recited his piece flawlessly, the cunt.
i'm glad i could, in some small way, help to make their wedding day everything they wanted it to be but, by fuck, i'm not doing it again.

*her words, not mine.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 21 Aug 2011, 19:59, 5 replies)

In a funny way, you were like Jesus that day....
...crucified in front of a bunch of people whilst wearing something you weren't entirely comfortable with. Fancy starting a new religion up...?
(Don Draper is, indeed, mad and a man., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:46, closed)

Manatee-ism...
They could all meet in marquees.
(repooc, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:00, closed)

i'm not the messiah
i'm a very naughty girl.


or so i've been told.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:31, closed)

You're a better person than me.
I would have refused to read anything religious and been hesitant about being involved in a religious ceremony.
Oh, and manatee are supposed to be the basis of the mermaid legend, so they must be pretty sexy looking -- well, at least to horny sailors.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 18:05, closed)

anyone else and i would have refused
and after 18 months at sea, most sailors would find a seal carcass sexy
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 19:23, closed)