Nasty Andrex Contamination
About ten years ago I went out for a while with this girl from my local pub. Not the most feminine woman I've ever dated, but reasonably attractive in a biker chick, grungy sort of way.

Anyway, after about three or four dates, we end up back at her place. After a quick coffee we decide to get down to business on the living room floor, but first she heads off to the loo to "get ready".

So, away we go, peeling off clothes etc on the floor. To get things really going I decide to partake in a bit of rug munching (which I am reasonably partial to). Well, the initial off-put was the unkempt nature of the bush I was required to traverse to gain entry. Oh well, I soldier on. After several minutes of bean flicking, I become aware of something in my mouth (honestly). I move it around in my mouth trying to work out what it is, and then sneakily gob it out into my hand to see what it is. A pleasant wodge of orange toilet paper. I glance up at chewbacca staring me in the face, and spot another half sheet of toilet paper protruding from chewies lips (it looks like he is smoking a roll up). Not knowing whether to burst out laughing or puke up, I carry on regardless, stoically swallowing the remaining toilet paper.

Having got over this, I carry on for another few minutes and then decide to go for the partial rimmer. At this stage things take a drastic turn for the worst as I then come across a second wodge of paper in her ass crack....

I had to get up and leave immediately. Highly unsavoury. She was obviously a scruncher rather than a folder in the papering department.
(Mandrill, Mon 26 Mar 2007, 1:45, Reply)