Mine is spiders, which is boring...
... but my friend Martin has a weird one.

When I was a wee young nipper of 15 I was sitting on a bench outside the Geography department of my school, eating my sandwiches. The quintessential student, I was - munching on packed lunch whilst skipping a detention (probably).

As it happened I was a slob and crumbs from my sandwiches were raining upon my legs, one of which was crossed over the other in the intellectual pose of the deep thinker or the poof. Suddenly I heard a voice in front of me:
"Matt..."
It was Martin, with ice-cold fear wrapped around his words; a boa constrictor suffocating his voice.
"... your leg," he mumbled quietly, still petrified.
The same fear stopped my heart - Martin, too, was scared of spiders and I was sure if I looked down I'd see an eight-legged monstrosity, fangs bared, ready to plunge into my calf. I steeled myself, and looked down.
There was fuck-all. Grey school trouser with specklings of white crumbs collected in the creases.
I looked back up. "What?"
"I can't look at it, Matt, it really freaks me out," he said, eyes shut.
"What the fuck are you on about, you crazy cunt?" I said (probably in those exact words but I can't guarantee that).
"Crumbs in a line," he replied, completely serious. "I do NOT like it."

I mean, what in the actual fuck? Not just a fear of crumbs, but crumbs in a line?! It's not like they're in military formations or lined up with a malevolent intent, they're just caught in the crease of my trousers.

Fucking twat.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:11, 2 replies)

I can just imagine...
...an army of crumbs on your leg, getting ready for war.

"Let's go boys! Today we take his head!"

or something to that effect.
(Xstopher, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:17, closed)

Is
that why they're called Soldiers?
(kitescreech still here, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 12:15, closed)