Every pub has its weirdo
I've worked in a few bars over the years, and met many of the lively characters who frequent such places.

Neil was a middle aged guy, who appeared to be homeless, his countenance was always jittery, and he would hop about as he spoke, like an epileptic lemur on a dance mat.
The first time I met him I had only just started working in a small pub in a quiet little town. He wobbled in, bounced off some of the regulars and approached the bar.
'Alright mate, what can I get you?' I asked.

'If you can give me the correct answer to one simple question, I'll give you one million pounds' he juddered.

Bemused, I decided to humour him and told him to fire away.

'What...' he said, the tension in him obviously building, '..is the largest organ in the human body?' and he jiggled about as though desperate for the toilet.

Now I thought the answer to this was a fairly obvious one, it's the same question I'd seen in biology textbooks when I was 12, so I gave the answer, 'It's the skin, isn't it?'

Neil stopped juddering. He looked so deflated and crestfallen that I actually felt sorry for him, and wished that I'd got the answer wrong.

Over the next few weeks I saw him ask the same question to everybody he met, and for some reason none of them knew the right answer.
He never did give me my million pounds, and the last time I saw him he was following a young couple home. I can only hope that he quietly murdered them both and is now living in their house, wearing their skin and watching Hollyoaks.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 8:12, 1 reply)

The last line
actually sounds reasonable.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 14:29, closed)