It's FLYING !!!

There's only so much enjoyment you can have dipping scampi fries in your pint until they're nice and wet, then chucking them at the ceiling where they stick and dry out and form a lovely edible artex for future generations to admire.

Years ago I used to work up in Middlesbrough, managing a toy shop. As I used to work weekends, I'd often find myself with a day off in the week and would invariably spend these days in my local boozer with a good book.

On one particular day my mate Paul visited from Coventry, so we set about getting - I think the technical term is - absolutely shitfaced. As it was a school day, we had the entire pub to ourselves. It was a hot summers day and the landlord had propped the big heavy wooden door open to let some air in.

I remember Paul and I, through some pissed up logic, had decided to commondeer the entire length of the bar and sprawl out. He was at one end and I was at the other. We'd shout over to each other occasionally and wave.

I got a round in - two JD doubles. Then I hit on a brilliant idea. Quite frankly I was far too wasted to get up and give Paul his drink, he was staring at his knees, about to collapse off his stool, and the landlord had fucked off to wash some glasses. I suddenly remembered the old Western films I'd watch when I was a kid.

"Paul!" I shouted, "Get a load of this!"

And with a flick of my wrist I sent his JD sailing down the bar, where I expected him to stop it in the style of John Wayne. Only Paul by this stage had the reflexes of a dead camel. The double JD skated down the polished bar at the speed of a bullet and took off...

...and disappeared out the open door like an alcohol-fueled UFO.

Paul and I proceeded to piss ourselves. Jokes were made about the awsome strength of my wrist.

And then a copper walked into the pub with a look of fucking thunder, holding the stubby broken base of a shot glass.

"Does this belong to you?" Plod asked.

I don't think Paul really understood the question, because he turned his head and replied:

"Ahh, Oshifer - If you want it you can keep it."

Happy days!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 9:47, 3 replies)

!
That first sentence is worth a post of its own!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:19, closed)

Scampi Fries
Cant eat um, cant fuck um...

...might as well play with um...

Cheers
( SpankyHanky, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:22, closed)

Edible artex
A brilliant idea, better than that shity artex they plastered all over the ceiling of my house before I bought it!
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:26, closed)