Mad man in a car park had a full-on mentalist rant at my wife, accusing her of scratching his new Mercedes, even though
the height of the scratch made it impossible to be her little car. After several minutes of insane anger she managed to get the number plate as he drove off.

Since almost all Mercedes' drivers are aspirational upper-middle class cunts, I guessed at which few streets in town he would probably live in, and soon found his car parked on the street outside his house.

Since I was working shifts at the time, over the next few months I drove past his car at strange times of night, spraying it with various liquids such as milk and undiluted orange squash; stuff that wouldn't wipe off easily with windscreen wipers, or would make the door handles sticky. Nothing intended to cause permanent damage, but to make his life a little bit more unpleasant. I believe that good things should happen to good people, but also bad things should happen to bad people.

Hopefully, he has no idea why it happened to him and thinks it was random.

I know it's an over-reaction for the original slight. But, the only reason I stopped is because I emigrated. If I'm ever back in town, I'll be looking out for his pretentious car again.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 7:38, 12 replies)

But did he get the scratch fixed?
EDIT: My reasoning being - if he went to the trouble of getting his car fixed then he was vain and his behavior could be understood (not condoned) as vanity. If he simply went off at your missus but didn't get his car fixed he was an irrational arsehole who got pissed off cause his yuppie toy was no longer pristine.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 21 Feb 2012, 7:59, closed)

Hang on. I'll call him and find out.

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 8:00, closed)

Yes, yes he did have the scratch fixed.
Hope that closure helps you.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 8:01, closed)

Surely you looked while you were performing your ninja
orange juicing.
I know I would've.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 21 Feb 2012, 8:11, closed)

It was dark, and it was a dark-coloured car.
And frankly I didn't care about the scratch. It was the rude illogical shouting bit that seemed unnecessary.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 8:17, closed)

Some bellend in a beemer
smacked into my car and broke both our mirrors. My wife was driving at the time and he was ranting on about how she was going to have to pay him £500 to get it fixed.
She came home, and I spent a trivial sum on some new glass for mine, and popped the casing back together, and then we ignored his phone calls. He quickly gave up.
All the stereotypes about fancy cars being driven by total wankers, do seem to be true, so I like your tale of petty revenge.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 8:49, closed)

I can happily write off the drivers of BMWs, Audis, Mercedes and Holdens as cuntnuggets.
Of course, not all of them are, but for the purposes of using the many pedestrian crossings here, those will be the makes of car whose owners believe they don't have to wait for pedestrians or red lights.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 21 Feb 2012, 9:32, closed)

Don't forget
chavvy kids in tricked out Corsas.
The sooner it becomes law to seize and crush all such cars, the happier I'll be (especially if we keep the owners inside whilst they're crushed).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 9:44, closed)

are you an ex royal-marine?
and do you write the names of people who piss you off in a little book and then slash their tyres exactly 18 months later?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 15:36, closed)

Oooooooo
You're hard!
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 15:57, closed)

As revenge goes, that's very cordial.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 16:14, closed)

^^^^^
groan.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 16:19, closed)