taking it to The Man……well, kinda
as a young whippersnapper, got bought (for the time) a quite flash Sony Walkman off mum and dad for xmas (flash when everyone else at school had pikey personal stereo’s off the market.) Said walkman promptly knackered itself within a couple of months, prompting me to take it back to Currys from where it had been purchased. After a number of botched repairs, I was told if I wanted it refunding I had to go back to the Stockport branch where it had been bought from. (and not knowing any different as a kid, doing as I was told.)
get to the Stockport one, explain what had happened , and ask for a refund….. as it was £19.99, gave the till monkey a penny and asked for two £10 notes….. got handed two twenties. Result!
Went straight up to the proper Sony shop in altrincham, and bought the next model up.
A few years back was working in a very posh hotel in Manchester, which coincidentally was (at the time)part owned by Granada. So between that and being just over the road from the TV studios, we’d get endless z-list ‘celebs’ giving it the full ‘do you know who I am?’. One particular highlight was the coronation street staff party – no limit on orders from the bar, and no one had to pay, either. Which led to us doubling up on all the champagne orders - at the end of the night we took two cases of Piper home each. Which was nice. I also once charged a bunch of coked up big nobs from the studio £120 for a plate of sandwiches between six of them. Perhaps in future they’ll listen to the bartender when it’s four am and he says the bar’s not open.
Length? You’d better believe it, baby.
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 19:33, Reply)

Fake signatures and limited editions
Used to work for Our Price. We regularly 'signed' albums, usually by long dead artists or totally unlikely ones like Frank Sinatra or Prince. Also used to fake ltd editions with random items and fake numbered stickers taken from other albums. Dark Side of the Moon with free skins(Rizla), or Prince albums with free skins(Durex). Any of you suckers buy one?
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 19:30, Reply)

i like coupons
i rip them out of magazines you can say they have been ripped off. that joke was so funny I'm going to fart
(branflakes, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 19:18, Reply)

The film "Snatch"
Lying bastards, it turned out to be a gangster flick.
(rogerzilla, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 18:55, Reply)

since everyone is on about booze
Went to Toko in Bournemouth. £24 for 3 drinks!

I nearly died of a combination of alcohol poisoning and shock. Mainly the alcohol cos I was drunk and put it on the credit card and didnt realise I did it until about 3 weeks later when I had to pay the bill...
(Mr Monkey, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 18:37, Reply)

The Opera
Once went to the Opera in paris (the big, posh one). 1 can of coke (the little mixers, not the proper large ones) - 5 euros. Thats about £3 for a can of coke which would barely cost 40p anywhere else. Still, got my own back by going to one of the worlds poshest places wearing ripped Levi's and a Hawaiian shirt. Parisians have no sense of irony.
(Igor, The Evil Spacemonkey is behind you!, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 18:18, Reply)

sodding egg bastards
I cancelled my credit card a year ago, but they didn't tell me that their card protection (which as far as I was concerned was just an extra they added on themselves) was actually provided by a different company. although the card was cancelled and I cancelled the direct debit from my current account, they still paid out the £29 premium for protection on a cancelled card.

well, when I found out what had happened I called the card protection people and cancelled. they've obviously had this before from egg so they credited the £29 back onto my account. here's the funny part - egg had told me that the balance of my account was £29, so when I got that back from the protection people a few days later I assumed that would be the end of it, but now I find that they've slapped a £16 charge on between telling me the balance and having it paid off.

so, a quick message to them in the strongest possible terms saying that this is their snafu and to clear it up has hopefully worked. makes me glad I know the word Ombudsman, cos that shits people up :)

stil, cute adverts...
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 18:18, Reply)

Tesco's Tinned Sweetcorn
Individually, 19p each; three pack, 102p.

Therefore, cost of scrap of shrinkwrap to hold them together: 45p, presumably.


(Ooh, just thought of another one:

Norway, out for a simple meal with a couple of colleagues. 3 pizzas, 6 beers - draft local lager, nothing fancy. Total bill? £110.)
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 17:49, Reply)

I'm always getting ripped off.
£2000 per year for insurance on a Transit van.
95p a liter to fill it up with diesel.
£120 a year road tax.

If that isn't being ripped off, I don't know what is.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 17:38, Reply)

How about this one?
Though I'm sure it's been said already:

"Doing a degree will open all sorts of doors for you in the world - no matter what the degree is in!"

The. Biggest. Fucking. Rip-off. In. Modern. History.

Because three years of really (honestly) hard work, a kick-ass dissertation and loads of drive and ambition get you nowhere when you have an arts honours in Acting.

All I got was a fucking shitty job which I bastard well hate and can't tossing well get out of because people can't see past my job title, and not what I want to do!

I now know that my Dad was right when he said I should have studied to be a lawyer. At least I'd have prospects.

Or maybe I should get down to 'favours' for parts in films.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 17:37, Reply)

Schrembot
One of the lightbulbs in the kitchen broke, so went to robert dyas to get a new one. £15 quid for one of them energy-efficient, tree-hugging friendly ones. The guy convinced me when he said:

"Oh and in daylight, it switches itself off automatically to save even more energy!"

That sold it... cos Mrs Schrembot always loves to leave the kitchen lights on. So when i got home that night, grabbed a chair, put the new bulb in, went to the switch, flicked it and behold, the kitchen was blessed in light!

For about 3 seconds.

There was "daylight" was coming from the original non-broken bulb which causes the new one to auto switch off.
(schrembot says nah..., Mon 19 Feb 2007, 17:02, Reply)

Orange phones
Many years ago, I had a mobile phone contract with Orange. Usual thing - pay them shedloads of cash for a year of service. After that, they started charging monthly. So, thought I, rather than pay them loads of money for a service I don't use that much, why not get a Pay As You Go SIM card and use that with the handset?
So, I phoned them up and asked for the unlock code for the handset. They said, sure, but we'll have to send off to Motorola to get the code, and it'll take maybe 2 weeks. Sure enough, 2 weeks or so later, they phone back, saying we have the code, but there's an admin fee of 20 quid that Motorola charge if you want it. So, says I, get thee hence to where Ra's Chariot does not journey, I'll call you back.
Oh, did I mention I worked at the time as internal tech support at a call centre? A call centre which just happened to have Motorola as a client on the top floor. And, being a techie, I was on first-name terms with the managers there. So, a little wander up the stairs, a quick word with several Motorola managers, and I discover that Motorola gives all codes to Orange when they take receipt of the phone. The whole 2-weeks, Motorola-charge-us line was nonsense. So I phoned Orange back and said, hey, remember what you told me earlier? I've just spoken to some Motorola managers. Care to revise your statement? Poor girl ummed and ahhed and passed me to a snotty supervisor who asked if I wanted the code, to which I politely said "Naaaa."
End of story - contract cancelled, phone recycled, Virgin PAYG SIM in a new phone.
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 16:56, Reply)

Daily rip off
i work for Price Drop tv, my life is based around ripping idiots daily.
(maximcondor, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 16:42, Reply)

Eleccytrickcity
That's Electricity, obviously.

Not sure who my Mother ripped off here, but she had her supplier moved against her will - Took me a lot of shouting and screaming and "I know where you work" phonecalls before Yorkshire Electricity (as it was) admitted the mistake and took her off their records.

Thing was she wasn't on anyone's records. Anywhere.

For 2 years!

For reasons that escape me I made her get reconnected - something along the lines of if you wait too long you may get a bigger bill, etc.

She didn't get any kind of charge at all - so I made her get reconnected for no reason and she got no bill.

I was popular.

About as popular as British Gas in Ms Swipe's post I'd say :o)

(They installed my boiler fine BTW - even if they charged me as much as it costs to do Cherie Blair's hair - a LOT)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 16:19, Reply)

Baby wipes ripped off
Was in local supermarket (sounds like Mazda) the other day and was buying baby wipes.
Getting the multi-pack rather than single ones (having a 14month old you tend to get through quite a few), I went to the self-scan till to pay for them along with a few other bits.
Once there, realised that rather than scanning the barcode off the side of the multi-pack, i could scan the barcode off the bottom packet of wipes (the multi-pack bag is mainly transparent) and just get charged for 1 packet of wipes rather than 4. Quickly proceed to do not bag this object to stop the system crying about the weight not being correct and continue. Repeated 4 or 5 times already with no problems so far. If anybody pulls me, I have my "sorry, I didnt realise it only scanned in a single pack" story all ready.

Cheers (another alleged rip off for you)

Brocky
(brocky, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 16:16, Reply)

british gas
what a shower of arses.

i had so many problems with them installing my new boiler and central heating system. they missed appointments, made me wait 3 months for the privilege of ripping my flat up and charging £6k for it, and broke 2 pictures, an antique mirror and a cushion that wouldn't have been in the flat if they'd come when they said they would and it was furniture free.

eventually they grovelled and upgraded my homecare cover from the one that came free with the boiler to the top "homecare400" as compensation.

roll on three months to yesterday when we smelled gas from this brand new expensive boiler and pipes (i had been hosting a hen party and had 15 guests). not gut gas, although my friend sam is gross like that, but british gas. leaking at £10000000 a unit. transco came out, turned it off, rang british gas who said they could come in the helpfully specific time period of 12-6pm.

so i sacrificed lunch with the girls and waited in. and waited. and waited. at 6.05pm i rang them, to be given a PACK OF LIES. apparently the road had been closed by the police (i checked. it hadn't. and if it had, there were 137 different side streets giving access). and apparently he had rung my phone. yes, i thought i'd sit in all day and ignore it when it rang.

i went ballistic. the phone monkey kept bleating that he had offered me an alternative slot - 12-6pm on a workday - and it "wasn't his fault if i couldn't make it"!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr. i even pulled the "i'm a lawyer and will you pay my £195 an hour for sitting on my arse waiting for your plumber who won't turn up" card, which is strictly against professional ethics, but sadly it does work.

when he said for the 137th time that he couldn't do anything else, i calmed down and said coldly: "then i'll tell you what you'll do. put me on hold. and go and get your supervisor." eventually i kicked up such a fuss that they sent me an emergency plumber at 9pm on a sunday. result.

except that they actually sent a lazy emergency monkey who couldn't fix it. back to the phone this morning. eventually i have an appointment tomorrow, for which they want to charge me £100 an HOUR despite the fact that this was supposed to be covered on the compensation i got the last time they f*cked me over like a kipper.

apparently they only gave me homecare 200 as compensation, and i need homecare 400 to cover the pipes.

but, i said, didn't homecare 200 come free with the boiler? so in effect, you gave me compensation which i'd already got for free? how's that for a rip off?

i am STILL waiting for them to call me back..... i am going to print off all these british gas stories and send them to every single director of that company at his home address! c*nts, c*nting c*nty c*nts!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 16:12, Reply)

Ripped off Boots
Went into Boots the chemist at lunchtime today and bought a fuckload of stuff although forgot to pay for the pack of Pampers I had in my hand with some other shopping bags. Hahahahahaha, fuck off Boots yer fascists.
I must admit I am becoming more and more light-fingered as the years go by.
(dogspoo, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:57, Reply)

euro prices
RE
I just come back from Paris...
Some fine examples are ....

6 euros (£4) for half a pint.

15 euros (£10) for sausage and chips

4 euros (£2.40) for a 500ml bottle of coke
Etc etc.
Its nothing to the french. They work (yeah right) 10 hours a week, for 10 times as much pay as we do, pay 2% on loans/mortgages, and they also prostitute their sisters so they have oodles of ooh lah lah to pay for their poncy french beers, and if their beer goes up a cent, they go on strike until they get 10 times that much in payrise, and dont forget the lower hours so they can set light to british meat...
tossers


blame the eu/governments etc!

Length? about 5.75% more than yours at the moment....
(i AM that masked man Book him Tonto, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:39, Reply)

The VAT Man
What annoys me is that by law in the UK you have to wear a Motorcycle helmet, Fair enough, It's an essential piece of safety equipment.

Every other piece of safety equipment, hard hat, Safety boots, gloves etc... are VAT free

Motorcycle helmets have VAT on them, so it's the only piece of "mandatory by law" safety equipment that has VAT.

Bastards!!

No length joke, I have a massive motorcycle
(Twisted_firestormer, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:28, Reply)

Hoegaarden
I didn't know why the barman in the Old Bank of England was laughing to himself while he was pouring me a pint of this stuff, until he said "that'll be £4.90 please".

And WH Smith charges 79p for a can of diet coke! Sod that, thats what the "honesty box" is for. Stick a button in and call it quits.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:08, Reply)

Checked out the Chinese New Year celebrations
in London's Chinatown.

Saw a couple of kids throwing those little pop-pop things on the ground.
Figured they'd be useful for throwing at the next prick who decided to ram into my ankle with a pram.

Found a guy selling them for £1 a box.

"Ill take 5 thanks" says I.

Walked about 50m down the road. Some lady is selling them for 50p.

Bastards.
(chansternz, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:03, Reply)

Blag of a lifetime
TRUE STORY: Outside Bristol Zoo there is a carpark where cars and coaches can park. There was also a nice bloke with a hat and ticket machine charging cars £1 and coaches £5.This parking attendent worked there for about 25 years , then one day didn't turn up for work...Ho hum say Bristol Zoo management- Better phone up Bristol City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant......
Er no say the Council...That car park is your responsibility...Er no say Bristol Zoo the attendant was employed by you wasn't he....Er NO!!!!
Sitting in his villa in Spain is bloke who had been taking the car park takings for Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years...

RESULT!!!
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:01, Reply)

Car geeks
Many many years ago, back in the dark ages of my marriage, my now late father-in-law showed me around his collection of cars. He had a thing for Lincoln Continentals in particular. And back in the corner of his barn stood a hulking monster of a specimen- a 1959 Mark IV. Look it up for yourselves- this thing had a 400 hp engine, and measured 22 feet long. But this particular one had had a tragedy befall it- he had lent it to a friend for a weekend, who in turn sent his secretary on an errand in it, and it ended up plowing through a picket fence. I don't know why the friend didn't fix it, but ultimately Erle went out and found another Mark IV which had been in a rear end collision and bought it for the parts. He brought it home- and found out that the body panels had been spot welded on every 1/4", so taking them off would have involved massive amounts of drilling out little teeny holes. He then just shoved the entire mess back into the corner of the barn where I saw it.

Fast forward some years. Erle dies of a massive coronary, and his widow starts selling Lincolns. The Mark IV was one of the last ones, and she found two guys from Florida who wanted both hulks to do as Erle had planned and restore them. They paid a large amount of cash for the two of them, she signed it over to them, and they loaded the two hulks onto a truck, looking very pround and excited.

Just before they left I walked up and looked the cars over and said conversationally, "You know, Erle had taled of restoring that thing. There was just one little hitch..."

The expression on their faces as I told the story was truly priceless. But hey, they got the cars they had wanted...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 19 Feb 2007, 15:00, Reply)

Pants at half mast and a dry run-up!
Back in 2005, I'd got a new job uptown. Deciding that my trusty 1st car, an E-reg Citroen AX, would most likely die at the prospect, a new(ish) car was in order. I had no idea what car I even wanted, just that it would be a good idea for it to be a diesel if I was going to be commuting in it.
My brother spotted a car that he thought was, "a bit of me". Four grand (borrowed from the bank of mum and dad) later and a P reg Audi A4 was mine.

Driving through Bermondsey, the drive belt snapped, lost power steering, engine temp soared and generally soiled my pants. Once towed home, I made the crucial mistake of not using my regular garage. I thought that as my drive belt had gone, it'd be a good idea to change the cam belt as well. Then the phone calls started.

Nearly a grand later i'm still waiting for my arse to heal over after all this time.

Moral of the story?
DON'T buy a car that a salesman says is, "a good little runner".
OR go to a garage that charges you for a new tyre which turns out to be your spare swapped over.

Still got the car though. Guess my brother was right.
(Mister-Chris, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 14:53, Reply)

Expensive Wank
After spending another lonely Friday night listening to my room mate banging a girl he had met on faceparty I decided enough was enough and made the decision to hit some porn.

After trawling through the endless crap available I came across a nice little website detailing the lives and tribulations of a number of babysitters. The previews looked good and it was only $1 for a seven day account.

Out came the credit card and bang I’ve got porn...or so i thought. The 7 day account only allows streamed content of one video and after 10 minutes of eager waiting there is still no porn!

I notice that if I upgrade now I can get access to all the porn on the site so in my eager horny state I press upgrade and bang $30 gone. The video quickly loads and I alleviate myself in the proper fashion.

The guilt then kicks in... What have i done? I have just paid for porn! The excitement is now well and truly gone so i decide to cancel the account in case i end up spending the rest of the shopping budget.

i felt well and truly ripped off paying $31 to wank myself off!
(osmouk, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 14:37, Reply)

Ah, expensive taxi rides...
http://photos.garysmith.org.uk/p17598925.html

I kind of wish I'd managed to get over the 300 quid barrier. I'm still pretty impressed with that one, to be honest.
( shadyron, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 14:34, Reply)

Not yet
There's no rip off story here.

I'm now the proud owner* of a company VW Passat, so the private VW had to go. I put it on Autotrader for a bargain £5100 (Full service history, etc) - now I knew it'd sell fast as lesser cars were going for more.

I got a few calls from companies saying they'll sell it on for £90 to guaranteed buyers (4 calls later and they're being rather agressive and angry about it) and one guy who said "I've got £4500 cash, will ya take it" - "No" says I.

Anyhoo - A guy says that he'll come down to look at the car and probably take it. Fair enough says I - Now, he was in Edinburgh and I agreed to meet him at, er, Newark station - about 400 miles south.

He turns up, looks at the car, not too bothered about driving it and we agree £5k. Cash. Thankfully my bank was open (it was a Saturday) and we go in and pay the money in straight away. I was incredibly suspicious and got him to sign stuff and I checked his address and stuff like that.

He drove off - after dropping me at home. I spent ages waiting for the old bill to come round and say that the money was nicked or something - Still waiting now!

* Ok, not so proud.

I don't get conned that often - only when buying cars - my negotiating skills suck. I never take their "rape-your-ass" finance though...
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 14:08, Reply)

Some positive feedback for eBay
I sold a Keane CD on eBay for £40. I didn't suggest a price; some idiot bid this high for it.

Let's skim over why I had a Keane CD in the first place.
(Alice The Camel is one of the soon to be extinct 1-humped variety, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 14:02, Reply)

Pirate cab
A few years ago after a heavy night out, my mate and I were becoming increasingly desperate in obtaining a taxi home. Finally a car pulled up and my very drunk mate piles in and despite my protestations refuses to get out, "It's not a real taxi, it's a pirate cab!" I repeatedly shout, "Nah it's not, it'll be fine (it was a three door Ford Escort with no mini cab markings for Gods sake). Anwyay, I decided to get in just to ensure he gets home ok. Cue a journey of me haggling with the driver over price and route with no back up from mate who'd fallen asleep in the back. In the end I order him to stop miles away from home as he won't go on roads he doesn't know. He tries to charge us / rip us off £25 for his "service" to which I strongly disagree as a black cab to my front door would have cost £15. I wake my mate and we give him about £20 and in the process of getting out my mate finally adds his opinion to the proceedings be depositing a thick pile of porridge like vomit on the back seat. The driver screams and shouts and goes to drive off, at which point I shout, "You forgot your tip, clean out the back of your car!"
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Mon 19 Feb 2007, 14:01, Reply)

Car dealer gets shafted
My mate Kevin is a nice guy, but a sucker for being ripped off. He'd just finished a twelve year stint in the RAF and having met a 'merkin lass was tying up a few loose ends in the UK before jetting off to Arizona and starting anew.

He decides he's going to sell his prized imported Nissan Pulsar GTI-r (a Nissan Sunny version of a Ford Cosworth) which he'd paid a few grand for a couple of years back. He went to see the chap who serviced the car and asks

"How much should I sell it for?"

"Hmmm" said the mechanic, clutching his jaw "the bottom has fallen out of the Japanese import market. Best you could do is £1500. Tell you what, as I've known you for a few years I'll take is off your hands for £1450".

Wanting a quick sale and having no reason to question this guy, Kevin takes the money and hands over the keys.

A few days later a mutual friend sees the same car up for sale by the side of the road. For £4,800.

Not surprisingly we were all really upset for Kev that he'd been shafted. However, the good karma fairy waved her magic wand a couple of days later when Kevin (at this point packed and ready to go) answered the phone in his house.

"Yeah, that motor you sold me the other day..." sniffed the voice of the mechanic on the other end of the phone "... turns out it didn't have an immobilizer. I wouldn't have bought it for £1450 had I known that!".

"Oh, right?" enquired Kevin.

"Well, unfortunately somone's only gone and nicked it. Because of the lack of immobilizer, my insurer won't pay out, so er, I'm £1450 out of pocket for a car you sold me under false pretences." sniffed the mechanic, clearly trying it on as he'd serviced the car every year since Kevin owned it and knew full well that no immobilizer was fitted.

"Tell you what.." said Kevin "...why don't you go and get fucked" and slammed the phone down.

Result!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 19 Feb 2007, 13:56, Reply)