Poor Uncle Merv.
He's pretty much brain-monged anyway being Cornish (not sure what generation - it all gets a bit mixed in places where one's grandfather is also one's half-brother*).

However, he's also the most accident-prone person I've ever known; we've been entertained by his crapness for years, so I'll just pick the story that nearly gave my Dad a death-inducing schadenfreude overload.

Back in the day, when the family would head to the beach en masse, Merv would strut up and down in his Speedos, taking verbal abuse from us and keeping an eye on his beloved speedboat. Every so often, he would need to get into the boat and move it further away as the tide was going out. He would do this in as posey a manner as possible, but we got used to ignoring him. It was because of this that Dad was the only one to see Merv, on having moved the boat again, slide gracefully off the edge of it...gracefully, until he caught his Speedos in the cleat on the side. Too late to change his downward momentum, the contest between cleat and gravity saw him hanging from the side of the boat whilst his trunks threatened to cleave him if his balls dared give way.

The curve of the boat meant he could not lift himself back up. Dad chose not to alert everyone, or indeed help, but instead stand on the shore and laugh very loudly.
Eventually, Mum made him swim out and assist in Merv's rescue.

Merv susbequently fathered children, and very odd they are, too.

*It is possible, but I wouldn't recommend it.
( thealternativefact, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:55, Reply)