3rd time I've posted this but it fits well.
I've been making a great effort, when talking to the ladies, to keep my answers short, sweet and to the point. Problem is you see, when I'm nervous I say the STUPIDEST fucking things and immediately regret them.

Example 1: Laura; My ex from when I was 17 moved back home for a while and seemed very keen to meet up. When we were 17 she was a bit religious and, basically, I didn't get any further than 3rd base. Now she was a bit older/wiser she knew what she wanted and wasn't shy about it. PERFECT.

SO. The first time we meet up (at her house) it was straight to bed :) We'd had a conversation earlier in the week about how many partners we had been with so after the deed was done and she was lying in my arms, her lovely dancers body against mine I say "hooray for number X eh?"

FUCK ME WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!! I think.

It didn't go down well. At all.

But I'd obviously made an impression of a different sort so I get a second chance the following week. I go round for her and she's just out the shower. She throws on some clothes and it's round to mine this time. All goes well but as she's getting dressed she checks her pockets and pulls out her bank card.

"no need to pay me" Says I then instantly put my head in my hands and DIE INSIDE. 2 weeks later she had herself a new boyfriend and no more fun for me.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 15:54, 6 replies)

she sounds like
a humourless cow.
(Raol Duke, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 22:16, closed)

A little.
Fucking nice to look at though.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 22:30, closed)

if you don't actually get on with someone
it's probably for the best this didn't work out
( rob, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 9:06, closed)

We got on grand.
She was just a bit of a drama queen.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 10:38, closed)

Jesus...
You sound just like me! I went down on a girl once, and as I was coming back up I blurted out 'You taste like KFC!'

Sexy time = OVER.

In my defence however, she really did taste like a Zinger Tower Burger. It was a fucking compliment! Nom!!
(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:03, closed)

Hahaha. Oh dear.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:07, closed)