I thought I was so pure of heart
and then I remembered this. Must have blotted it from my mind. Was at the Freshers' Ball to welcome the new students to their new student life and independence at Uni and lording it around because me and my mate were second-years, a whole year older than the newbies around us. My mate had football cuff-links, a yellow card for one and red for the other. We got so lashed we thought it would be hilarious to "card" the unattractive girls on the dancefloor. Luckily nobody could understand the incoherent fucktards showing them their cuff-links. Apart from one girl. The girl my mate decided needed a straight red. She looked like she was really enjoying herself, pretty much carefree and didn't understand at first and then my mate explained it to her. She ran off crying. That's when sobriety started to kick in. Then a bloke came up to us. We're both quite a bit over 6 foot and he must have been all of 5'8. He looked incredibly young. Anyway he came over to these two blokes. "I've known that girl since we were 4 and she is the most kind, considerate, caring person I have ever known. You are a pair of bastards." And then he followed her.

That story won't win, but it should. It's not funny but I don't think there're many stories to compete with such unmitigated fucktardery.
(Garnett, Thu 1 Dec 2005, 10:10, Reply)