Green apple splatters
Well, Mrs Neighbour of the beast decided to have some rancid slop for her friday night dinner, nothing untoward for a weekend meal, for she will eat anything in the fridge provided it doesn't contain mould or spiders. Fast forward to me arriving home from work saturday arvo with a gleam in my eye and a mood for debauchery. Opening the front door I am met with an olfactory punch along the lines of a rotten sea lion basted in baby shite. Hmmm methinks, something is definately wrong in denmark. Upon further investigation I find the Mrs. in bed surrounded by an interesting paint job in brown and dead to the world.
It seems she had decided to have a couple of bottles of red for breakfast (no complaints there)but then had a tsunami of bad food react unkindly to her choice of inebriant. Hence she apparently woke earlier to the dreaded rumblings of her tortured bowels, arose from the bed (naked) and let rip with a fart that would shame wind tunnel fans. Unfortunately the inevitable follow through occurred and the bedroom was covered in a patina of foul smelling excrement including sheets, walls, floor, etc. Oh God she thinks and tries in her drunken stupor to clean the abomination her arse has just created. So she tries to go to the ensuite bathroom to grab some sort of wiping device only to slip in her own foul mess and further spread its abhorrent stench. To this day, 8 Months later I still find flecks of her offerings on various pieces of furniture that resided in the room on that fateful day.... Nothing like a pertinent reminder to harrass a loved one. Shit Flecks, but she can't get evil on me for pissing on her one night in my sleep walking adventures anymore..
(neighbour of the beast 668 has watched you in secret on, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 7:53, Reply)