swimming poo
I've done nursing, worked in old folks' homes, care in the community et al. For the last 7 years I've been delighted to work with children on the autistic spectrum as well as other special educational needs. Therefore, the majority of my working days have involved cleaning up other people's crap. Mostly of the literal variety; if there ain't enough of that to go around, one can bet one's BOTTOM dollar there'll be some metaphorical crap with which to be dealt.

Part of the *special* program involves taking the kids swimming, involving sensory stimulation (ooo-er) etc. Sensory perception in autism is a can-and-a-half of worms; suffice it to say, the possibilities involving poo are pretty much endless.

So, once a week, come hail, rain or shine, staff & children board the Sunshine Bus to the local leisure centre. The challenge of getting everyone changed and into the water is eventually achieved, and on immersion the mood is palpably calmer, thus making it all worthwhile.

Except that, on this occasion, one of the lifeguards begins shouting and gesticulating in a most frantic manner. What's wrong with the poor chap - has he seen a shark? Impossible. What then, is the cause of his alarm?

Now, I'm a bit corned beef in one ear (that's geordie rhyming slang for Mutt 'n' Jeff) and the acoustics in swimming pools don't help either. I eventually make out what the lifeguard is no longer shouting, but shrieking hysterically: "EVACUATE!!!"

Is it an air-raid? Bird? Plane? Superman? etc.
At this point my colleagues are rounding up the kids, who are adamant it is NOT time to exit the pool (the routine is exactly 25 minutes in the water - they've only had 5 - that is majorly disruptive to most autistic children).

Having got all of the kids out of the pool (as opposed to dropping them in heh-heh) I am the last person in the water. As usual, the last adult does a recce of the pool, checking for stray goggles, floaters etc. which I was doing. By now, the lifeguard is about to have an aneurism. I hadn't actually heard the reason for said evacuation. I'd assumed (should never assume - it makes an ASS of U and ME) there was a chemical imbalance of some sort; some dick had overdone the chlorine or something.

It transpires that *evacuate* was appropriate. One of the kids had evacuated his bowel in the water. So my sweep for floaters was equally appropriate :o/

I really should look into getting a hearing aid. Not that I could've worn one in the pool....
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 10:39, 9 replies)

Hahaha
Oh, I hope this makes the top page!

Something very similar happened when I was at school. One of the kids in my class, while we were all busy splashing around during the 'fun' session, went very quiet and slunk off to the corner of the pool.

Where he had a poo.

The trouble was that the poo he had was not your common-or-garden solid poo. He had a catastrophic failure of bowel control, and let loose a slick of orangey-brown runny nastiness.

A pool has never been cleared faster. To this day I can see the fecal (sp?) cloud spreading through the water, and can remember being disappointed that I'd be back in maths soon.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 10:54, closed)

The thing was...
I had to ring round my dive club to inform them that the pool would be closed that evening because of this - they had to completely drain, clean, and refill it, which took about 3 days...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 11:52, closed)

Drain the whole pool
Seriously?

I mean, can't they just fish out the lumpy bit and let the chlorine and filters deal with the rest?

Sounds a bit gross, but if you consider all the piss that goes into the pool, plus water in contact with all manner of body parts in various states of cleanliness, is a bit of poo really any worse?
( le brian, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:16, closed)

Tourette's
you haven't just read a Lee Child book, hence the assume (ass U me) by any chance?
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:24, closed)

It did seem excessive to drain the pool
I offered to scoop out the offending article, suggesting an extra scoot of chlorine should do the trick.
Apparently protocol is to drain the pool completely as poo has the potential of carrying all sorts of nasty diseases.
First offence is "on the house", however this particular boy had done it before. He was banned from that pool and the school was billed for the £300ish it supposedly cost to drain / clean / refill the pool.

*edit* I've never put my face in the water since then - adopting instead the "old lady with a blue-rinse" style of BREAST stroke....
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:26, closed)

@ le brian
Seriously, they did.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:26, closed)

@ Studentken
No, haven't heard of Lee Child? I heard the expression from an old boss, years ago.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 12:30, closed)

I know when I worked as a lifeguard
That the standard procedure was to get everyone out, scoop it out, wait a bit and then put all back in.

I hated working on the toddler's pool.
(nebbie, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 13:01, closed)

I've done that before.
When i was about 2 or 3, somewhere in Switzerland. My parents quickly just quickly wiped me up, bundled me in the car and drove away, leaving the floater to ... well, float.

I then proceed to shit all over the car.
(MrTrent cannot think of a clever sig., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 14:22, closed)