Killer Cutlery
Thinking back now I'm not sure how I didnt actually kill my sister with this one.

When I was eight or nine, I went through a phase of aquiring the cutlery from the kitchen draw, sauntering out to the garden, and then sticking the cutlery randomly in my dads lovely, plush, immaculate lawn.

I thought the silver knives, forks, and spoons looked like space age trees - an ideal landscape to launch another rebel attack on that evil cunt Darth Vader.

So, deep in some meaningful soliloquy involving my battle scarred R2D2, my sister comes careering into the garden doing some God-awful girly play skipping thing.

And she trips over the start of my space forest and lands flat on her face.

Now, thinking back, I should've realized that setting up an effective and very deadly death trap that the Vietcong would've been proud of in the garden was not a good idea.

And then seeing my big sis trip and fall into said deathtrap but somehow miraculously miss impaling herself on a single upturned knife, fork, or spoon; instead splaying like a squashed mosquito amoungst the cutlery...

Well, I should've been an incredibly relieved boy. But no, I just laughed.

I actually like my sis now (even though she has joined the dark side and become a sodding teacher).
( SpankyHanky, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 11:16, Reply)