Bamboo Warriors
Mr friend has an amazing garden. It's pretty large, and a very interesting shape. In fact, the entire house sits at the wrong angle amid a neat row of semi-detached homes and gardens, which amusingly reflects his quirky and mental personality. (See replies for google map link)

One of the interesting quirks of this garden is that it has 3 sheds. One of these sheds is curiously always full of bamboo canes. I'm not sure at what point I found out about 'Bamboo Warriors', but i'm damn sure it was an excellent idea.

The rules of the game are simple, a duel with bamboo canes, the victor is the first one to snap the other's cane. One fine summer however, we discovered a new toy. LOGS. Of course, we knew what had to be done, we would play Bamboo Warriors, but with 6 foot long, 5 inch thick wooden logs as weapons. Nothing could go wrong.

You would think that the inevitable injury i'm building up to incurred as a result of the climatic battle that ensued, and an epic skirmish it was. Wood clashed, splinters flew, but would you thunk it, neither of us got hurt. That is, until my friend, in his infinite wisdom, decides to *throw* his log at me. 'Catch!' he yells confidently, hurling his log like some kind of caber-tossing loon.

A few things went through my mind as I saw that log arching through the air toward me. Primarily, 'You stupid cunt', secondarily, some kind of primitive fight or flight response was required, and natural selection hung her head in shame that day as I bravely decided to fight. I'd be damned if I was moving! Like a true Bamboo Warrior I would fight this log, and I swung my own log to make contact with the invader, confident I could parry the blow and save my skin. What I did not anticipate was that upon striking the log with my full force, the back end would swing round and fucking twat me on the head.

Me: mild concussion. Friend: near death from laughter.

'Tosser'.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:13, 6 replies)

Link to the house on Google maps
maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=cricketfield+lane+bishops+stortford&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Cricketfield+Ln,+Bishop%27s+Stortford,+Hertfordshire+CM23,+United+Kingdom&gl=uk&ei=4P9fS8WkCof20gTXu5XjDA&ved=0CAkQ8gEwAA&ll=51.876276,0.155791&spn=0.001245,0.002414&t=h&z=19

It's the one that sits at an inconsiderate angle to the rest in the middle.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:14, closed)

its okay tho
you got him back by telling the internet where he lives
(chemicals1234, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:31, closed)

Haha
He's moved now actually, redirect your angry internet mob to Norwich please.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:34, closed)

even if he did still live there
we have basically no information about him, in which case it is no different to sticking a pin in a map and finding the nearest house
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:07, closed)

I wish to burn down his embassy.

( sm.pl.crt.rs I don't fucking know, do I?, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:20, closed)

No
He has valuable bamboo.
(Asser, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 13:10, closed)