Decaying rat
Time to roast a pea... a few years ago I used to live in a fairly typical-for-the-area wooden framed house. This was San Francisco - wood's better for the earthquakes, y'know. Depending on the quality of the builder, or lack thereof, there can be a number of gaps in the woodwork.

I thought I'd got rid of most of them, but one winter's eve we were settling down to sleep and a remarkably pungent smell wafted across the bedroom. "Was that you farting again?!" says Mrs Biscuit... but lo it was not me, as I can't pull off trying to lie about such a thing without giggling without a loon.

"Maybe it's a gas leak", says she, "let's go to sleep and deal with it in the morning". Flawed logic, but at least I knew that there were no gas pipes under that room so we were safe from being blown up. But wtf was going on?

That night was rather terrible - depending on which way the wind was gusting, the smell was getting worse and worse.

I took the day off to sort it out - perhaps in hindsight I should have been less fucking Scottish about the whole thing and just paid someone to take care of it.

Careful measurements indicated just which part of the ceiling on the floor below to cut into, to see what the problem was, and the trusty saw was taking care of business just fine. I knew I'd hit the right spot as the stench was just getting stronger and stronger... until the saw happened to hit a rather damp patch, and I knew I was in trouble.

But I persevered, and eventually the square of ceiling plasterboard came loose. Using a mirror as a makeshift periscope to see just what was going on I bore witness.

Giant. Dead. Rat. Well now two halves of it at least. And a truly horrid stench of utter pestilence. Grabbing many plastic bags to use as gloves, I reached in to pick up the back half to deposit it into the bin, and my thumb disappeared into its innards, merely perpetrating yet more stench. I'm surprised I didn't puke on the spot. The smell of death is seriously the worst thing ever.

Yes, I should've damn well just paid someone...
(airbiscuit last dropped a meaty one in the lift on, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 3:50, 5 replies)

Did you put your dick in it?
I bet you put your dick in it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 9:59, closed)

It was certainly squishy enough. I could have warmed the corpse up a bit in the microwave I suppose - missed that opportunity... drat.
(airbiscuit last dropped a meaty one in the lift on, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 10:56, closed)

I never knew that wood was good for earthquakes.
Is that why there's so many wankers in disaster hotspots?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 10:22, closed)

*officelol*

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 11:26, closed)

I had a mouse die in a Sacramento house furnace in July
By design, the smell went everywhere. Hard to reach with coat hangers, but when I did, the body disintegrated. Simply had to let the decay process run to completion.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Mon 20 Jan 2014, 13:59, closed)