Sex
I came over to England from Australia for sex.

No, not for the British birds, but because my girlfriend at the time wanted to come here on a working holiday and I didn't want to stop having sex with her.

Anyway, after a particularly messy breakup, I was left feeling fairly depressed and without a friend whose shoulder I could cry on, so I decided to join MSN with a view to finding some suitably sensitive individual who would sympathise.

As is generally the case with these things, after unloading some of my story on the world at large and receiving a fair few comments along the lines of "grow up, you socially retarded emo-wannabe, get out, meet some people and get a life" (odd given I'm a gregarious, mature, 6'3" blonde surfer-type with a cast-iron upper lip), I finally found someone who seemed to "get" me and sympathise with my plight.

So, after much back-and-forth, I decided to give her the full sordid tale (excerpts follow):

Me: "She left me with no money, no friends and no ticket home. I even took her to my favourite place in the Indonesia on the way over here and she's even managed to poison those memories."

Her: "Jakarta?"

Me: "No, we flew."

Note: parts of the above may not be true.
Edit: location changed for the pedants.
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 15:31, 8 replies)

Caribbean?
Jakarta isn't in the carribean???
(batmowes Internet Dating Superstud, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 16:19, closed)

lol
on a pedantic note, i think you'll find Jakarta is in Indonesia
(Duke Fucknuts ate toast and fanny batter on, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 16:26, closed)

Caribbean?
Jamaica?

No, she wanted to.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:05, closed)

@bearpookie
I did that one a couple of weeks ago. Still to come: the worst joke in the world, the shortest joke in the world and the longest joke in the world.
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 22:10, closed)

and atleast two of those three are the same joke.

(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 22:49, closed)

I was telling my mate about how upset I was that the love of my life was emigrating.

Mate: "Wheres she going?"

Me: "Alaska"

Mate: "What, you haven't asked already?"
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 15:55, closed)

Guffaw
Roopy, you just made my day.
( Wembley, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 20:25, closed)

lol
never saw that one coming!
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Thu 18 Sep 2008, 12:03, closed)