having dinner
in chalfont st giles the other night. we lived there when i was very small, and you should hear the cut glass plums in my mouth on family videos. good job we moved back up north innit.

anyway, my friend and i were in a gastropub, when we heard the terribly rah rah tones of the five year old foetus at the table next to us. drawing itself up to its full height of about three feet, it announced, "well mummy, ai think thet avocado is ebsolutely disgasting."

jen and i nearly toppled into the fireplace laughing at the smug little prick.

in less glorious culinary news, i've been fantasising all day about the soup i was going to have for dinner. finally got home from work at about 11, heated it up, dropped a handful of grated cheese in, took a yummy spoonful and.... bleurgh.

1 always check the low fat grated cheese has not been left open by your flatmate;
2 don't eat boiling hot soup in a thin dressing gown. it hurts when you spill it and the stringy hot mouldy cheese on yourself.
3 don't spit mouldy cheesy soup on a glass table. it looks like scat mixed with vomit and it will make you heave when you have to clean it up.
4 finally, pay your virgin bill on time so you have something to watch whilst cleaning up and do not end up boring the collective tits off the internet.

/blog
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 23:48, 15 replies)

you have a bill for virgins?
bloody hell, woman, how many of them do you get through?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 0:44, closed)

I thought Chalfont St Giles was a euphemism.
For what, I'm not really sure.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:32, closed)

bum grapes?
...
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:36, closed)

I like the references
to having plums in Ms Swipes mouth.

But I daresay you expected that from me.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:06, closed)

al. i was FIVE.
you usually sadden and sicken me.

but today, you have disgusted me...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:08, closed)

I feel
about this big now

I'm sorry.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:27, closed)

bless
*strokes al back to his usual size*

about 2 inches
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:34, closed)

Wow!
You added a whole 1.5 inches!

I must get you to stroke me again.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:44, closed)

Same amount of plums in the mouth in Gerrards Cross...
Good thing I'm moving to Cornwall next weekend so I won't have to put up with it any more..
(mejt, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:08, closed)

Yuck
Low fat cheese
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:53, closed)

it's edible
if it's stirred into soup or melted on jacket potatoes or something. otherwise it is just like plastic string.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:57, closed)

I live about 10mins drive from Cheddar
I would be chased by an angry pitchfork wielding mob if it became known that I ate low fat cheese.

That's how we roll in the westcountry.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:07, closed)

just offer to put
your stinking bishop in their cheddar gorge. that'll shut them up.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:35, closed)

Ha ha!
Bravo Miss Swipe
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:50, closed)

I was going to comment
about Chalfont St Giles being rhyming slang for haemorrhoids, and plasticlow fat cheese being about as much good as bum grapes, but it's been done.

So I'll shut up.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:21, closed)