My 10-year-old son is being stalked...
...by an 11-year-old girl.

She's in his class - she was held back a year because she is (forgive my lack of PC skills) thick as pigshit.

She's also the size of a pregnant water buffalo, and with the visual appeal of an inbred warthog.

She makes his life a misery, the poor wee lad. She chases after him all playtime, trying to kiss and cuddle him. He's a pretty polite chap, and has tried to be quite diplomatic about it all. However, he is struggling to get the message into her thick head that he isn't remotely interested.

What should he do folks? He's getting a bit glum about the whole thing, and my heart goes out to him. After all, women aren't supposed to make your lives a misery until a wee bit later on in life?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 1 Feb 2008, 17:28, 15 replies)

what should he do?
i've got a nailgun you can borrow if it comes to it!!! a galvanised 91mm ring-shank (i kid you not!) through the forehead of both parents (if indeed there are 2) might persuade them to keep their whore offspring from de-flowering your innocent wee lamb until he's ready!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 1 Feb 2008, 17:58, closed)

Poor wee sod
she sounds like she should be going to school on the sunshine coach. Tell him to hide behind the playground supervisors!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 1 Feb 2008, 18:00, closed)

Nanny state
In todays age at school, all he has to do is tell a teacher that he feels threatened by this beast and they'll probably bring the plod over to arrest her for pre-rape or something
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 18:11, closed)

He should sign up to B3TA and post his own story. Then he can join the ranks of geeks who find talking to girls in Real Life ^tm a bit frightening
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 18:23, closed)

You really should go to the teacher who can have a quiet word with the hambeast.
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Fri 1 Feb 2008, 18:29, closed)

slow her down a bit
Evidently she's not too fat to chase him. I'd advise the boy to administer a smart kick immediately below her kneecap.
(douchebarge, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 22:52, closed)

Find out
what she thinks is really disgusting, and get him to do it, turn her off him, and then shunt her on to some other poor sod.
(Ol' Ginger Bastard a role model for the children, Sat 2 Feb 2008, 4:31, closed)

the key
is in your screen name.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 2 Feb 2008, 16:14, closed)

there's only one thing he can do
Kill her and burn the body
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 2 Feb 2008, 21:16, closed)

Give her my phone number, she sounds nice...

*Rubs thighs a la Vic Reeves*

*Starts running from mob with flaming torches and pitchforks who don't realise I'm joking*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Sun 3 Feb 2008, 18:30, closed)

Ginger Slut Monkey...
has got the right idea......gross the girl out.

Talking to the teacher is always another good option.

My daughter always says she wears tennis shoes so she can run fast when boys chase her. Thankfully boys are still icky at this point.

(funny story though)
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 4 Feb 2008, 0:45, closed)

Thanks for all your suggestions....
....except for Pooflake's, obviously. ;-)
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 4 Feb 2008, 9:29, closed)

I feel sorry for him
Your boy needs to learn survival tactics to survive this kind of demon hippo. Either teach him to be a little more assertive or show him the ancient art of the harpoon/spear.
(when_the_tigers_broke_free, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 13:15, closed)

May I refer you to my earlier post?
I suggest he reads it... (where is Bollox/Peacocke to call me a paedo?)


www.b3ta.com/questions/stalked/post118044
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:22, closed)

go see her parents
and tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not have their benighted offspring pissing in your gene pool
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 18:23, closed)