rehash of "hotels" qotw
my cousin sharon was stalked by a fat, hairy, fugly scottish rugby player on holiday in spain. he chatted her up the first night there, but she made it quite clear that she wasn't interested and had a boyfriend back home.

freak didn't like this.

he told the entire hotel that he shagged her on the first night and had given her such a good seeing-to, that she was following him round the town, begging him for sex! the worst thing was, peope believed him, despite the fact that she could be seen several times a day, storming in from the pool and yelling "fuck off, jim, i don't like you!"

he sent her a teddy, wrote "i love you" on the wall outside our room, left roses(the cheap plastic ones) outside our room, the lot.

eventually, i decided to have a word with him myself. i saw him in the bar and, trying to remain polite, told him that she wasn't interested and, if he knew what was good for him, he'd leave her alone. he said he wanted to hear it from her! wtf? he'd been hearing it from her all week! i said something along the lines of "you're hearing it from me, fuck off, you troll." i thought this would be enough.

cue 2 hours outside our door, peering through the keyhole and begging to come in. frantic shouting and swearing didn't budge him, but hairspray + lighter + keyhole = a peaceful night.

on our last night, his mate david turned up at our room, very much the worse for wear. david was a nice bloke whose conscience had finally got the better of him and it all came pouring out, how jim had been telling everyone that he and sharon were an item, how she wouldn't leave him alone, how she'd offered to let him do her up the backdoor if he'd say he loved her. this is just a sample of the bullshit he was spreading about her.
now, say what you want about me, but nobody fucks with my family.

i ran downstairs and found him, once again, in the bar. i practically launched myself at him fist first, catching him right on the nose. i was so angry, i don't think he could have stopped me if he tried. i'm not really sure what else i did to him, i was in such a rage that i just kind of blanked out. i do remember launching him through the patio doors, though. they were shut until he went through them. i then turned to the assembled and rather stunned crowd and said "i don't care what that prick has told you, sharon never so much as kissed him. he's a sad prick who has to lie because he can't get a girl!" and with that, i stormed off to comfort my emotionally shattered cousin.
word got around the hotel that night and, with his friend backing us up, people were now beginning to believe our side of the story. we were just glad to be going home.
that is, until we spoke to the rep. "oh, yes," she says "i've just been talking to jim, he said you two were inseparable all week, but he had to talk you into forgetting about him and going back to your boyfriend"
at this point, sharon became hysterical and i really thought she was headed for a breakdown. i explained the situation to the rep and she said she would support us if we put in a complaint, but made it clear that the company would do nothing about it.

i got one of the bastard's teeth out, though.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 4:24, 4 replies)

^click!^
...because I'm guessing that's the sound his nose made...

After a nightmarish journey trying to get a bass amp onto the London underground, that story has helped me calm down a great deal.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 9:50, closed)

Scary
There are just far too many drugs in Scotland - seems to inhabit the same crazy dream world one of my ex's did - not from glasgow was he?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 14:04, closed)

magic the cat
about 10 miles outside glasgow. as for drugs, he was the only one out of the four of us who didn't spend most of the holiday stoned!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:58, closed)

supreme crow
glad it helped! ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 18:01, closed)