Bootylicious...
Not particularly exciting but...

met a girl a few years back through a friend of a friend. I'd just split up woth someone after a couple of years, so was just lookign for a bit of a laugh.

She seemed exactly whatI was looking for, and gave every indication that not only was she filth (never wore knickers, didn't like body hair), but it would be no strings.

I was horribly wrong on both counts.

After getting us thrown out of a club for offering out a bouncer, I decided this lady was not for me.

What followed was a month of phone calls (at least one a day), emails and the like.
I got stories about how she 'knew people' who didn't take too kindly to her being messed about; she had some disease and I need to meet her to talk about it (though slightly scary, I got checked out and was fine, and anyway, I'm always extremely careful, so this may have been a lie).

But the highlight was the message left on my mobile one saturday night.

I was happily getting drunk when she phoned. I ignored it. Then voicemail rang me back.
The message consisted of someone holding their phone to a stereo which was playing 'Bootylicious', a big hit at the time.
This went on for about half the song before I heard her say "Fuck it, he's not there" and hung up.

(Surely the fact it went to voicemail should have alerted her to the fact I wasn't 'there').

I never saw or heard from her again.

And the friend of a friend who introduced us apologised, and said that he wasn't going near her or or friends again, as they were all potty.

I know that NOW...!

LENGTH: Quite long for me...
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 8:19, Reply)