Unfortunately not biscuits
I still can't believe I did this for a dare. No money changed hands, although the kudos I've received over the years has been impressive.

The scene: Union bar in Manchester. End of year.
We'd had a few drinks.

My "mate" returns from one of his many bar trips to announce that he'd arranged a challenge for me. To this day I have no idea how he managed to convince a complete strangler to race me in consuming a shot of bourbon...
Through a straw...
Without using our mouths...

Even in my state of advanced inebriation, I was unconvinced by this suicidal race. His mates and my "friends" unsurprisingly were more enthusiastic. I remember expressing myself fairly graphically at the time but once the spirits were placed in front the fog descended and it became Death or Glory. (incidentally, there were no straws available behind the bar and some research was conducted into alternatives - believe me, nothing at all works very well).

Well it's not easy drinking through your nose. It requires inhaling deeply through the nose, waiting for it to touch the back of your throat before swallowing.
Add to this difficulty the searing pain of snorting alcohol. Every action is agony. My nose burned like flaming coal was being skull-fcuked up there. My right eye felt like it was going to explode. Bizarrely, my left arm went completely numb.
And to top it all, I hate bourbon (although this came fairly low down on my list of problems).

Halfway through and I was struggling. Looking up I good see a mirror of my own pain in his face: The race was still on and I could feel my second wind coming.
Various liquids had built up in my right nostril making progress difficult. In error I decided to continue with the left which was a mistake as now I couldn't see through either eye, and both arms were in trouble.

Eventually a winner emerged: It wasn't me. John my "mate" was in tears of laughter and the victor stood triumphant (if a little unsteadily) among his admiring groupies. I headed to the toilet to try and quell the pain with a little cold water. (Even harder than it sounds).

A week later and I still couldn't smell or see properly, although feeling had returned to my faulty limbs.

And what did I get out of it? Shouldn't really grumble about getting a free shot I suppose, and I did gain the experience to know that I would rather have the biscuits rammed up my nose.

Epilogue
I never thought I'd meet another imbecile stupid enough to attempt this, but I was wrong!
A few years ago I went to a party where the conversation moved towards stupid things we'd being dared to do. Obviously the bourbon incident came up and I asked him what he'd used to inhale the whisky (re: the difficultly in finding straws at bars), to which the answer came back: "I just put the bottle-top close to my nose and inhaled". Bottle-top? "Wimp". Still, much respect has gained all round.

Length? I have no idea, 'though the effects lasted a week.
(markthebrewer doesn't know if he's coming or going or coming, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 12:23, 1 reply)

to convince a complete *strangler* to race me
...best typo ever :-)
(Mousy Tongue ...Generally bemused by life..., Sun 4 Nov 2007, 20:53, closed)